Posted by Chad on September 22, 2012 Official Friday The 13th Parody
	He jerks his dick and "cums" all over some people, that's the extent of it.

Posted by Chad on July 17, 2012 The Woman
	Huge thumbs up. The ending when... well, you'll know... just put a huge smile on my face. You knew shit was about to go down, and I was not disappointed.

Posted by Chad on July 03, 2012 Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell
	I've seen about half of the movies shown here, but there were a few hidden gems tucked away that I'm going to have to hunt down. I had fun watching this, so I have to give it a thumbs up. As a side note, I picked out four clips that Rob Zombie sampled in his songs. My word.

Posted by Chad on June 25, 2012 Battle Royale II
	This was easily one of the dumbest fucking movies I have ever seen. Awful, simply awful.

Posted by Chad on June 14, 2012 Thor
	I've never been a big fan of Thor, but this was fairly entertaining. Certainly not the best superhero flick out there, but enjoyable all the same. 7/10.

Posted by Chad on June 01, 2012 Black Water
	It's nothing new, I'll give you that, but I still enjoyed it. Very atmospheric with some great croc shots. The part with the two girls in the water? Bad freaking ass. Not perfect, but I had fun with this one. 7/10.

Posted by Chad on May 08, 2012 Dead Space: Downfall
	I liked it. I wasn't a huge fan of the animation style, but the story made up for it. If I hadn't already played the game, I'd be itching to pop it in after seeing this.

Posted by Chad on April 25, 2012 Zombie Apocalypse
	When a Killer Calls was infinitely better than the remake. It didn't touch the original, but since it was ripping the remake off and not the original, it counts.

Posted by Chad on April 24, 2012 Zombie Apocalypse
	I have the "2012" title listed on here as an AKA, but that's only used on the DVD cover. The opening and end credits do not refer to it as such, so I went with that.

Posted by Chad on April 14, 2012 Children Of The Corn
	It originally aired on SyFy, so maybe it had some junk it in that they couldn't show on TV. Haven't seen either version, just a guess.

Posted by Chad on March 16, 2012 Potnah

I haven't seen the movie so I can't comment either way, but keep in mind that any press is good press. I would never have heard of the movie had Bill not written this review, but after reading it, I'm interested in checking it out and will be tracking down a copy. Some other readers may feel the same - having a movie pointed out to them and telling them "it's an average flick" is a whole lot better than them never hearing about it in the first place.

Posted by Chad on March 12, 2012 Monsters In The Woods
	I enjoyed this one, but I really wish the director had lived a little longer. He was easily the most entertaining character in the movie. Still, solid 8/10, agreed.

Posted by Chad on February 18, 2012 Buried
	Really? The only time I got bored was during the very beginning, when it began with two or three minutes of pitch black and silence... I thought Netflix had put up a bad copy or something, hah. Other than that, it never lost my interest.

Posted by Chad on February 11, 2012 Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice
	It's a brand new review for an old movie.

Posted by Chad on January 13, 2012 Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark
	It couldn't have been much worse. The script was the main problem though, so I guess it all comes down to "did Troy Nixey follow it to the letter, and if so, would del Toro have diverted radically from it?"

Posted by Chad on January 12, 2012 Wishmaster 3: Beyond The Gates Of Hell
	"There's enough hot women wearing little or nothing to warrant it at least one point" Agreed. I threw it a couple of extra points for some neat kills, but otherwise, agreed with the rest of your review.

Posted by Chad on January 08, 2012 Strangeland
	I guess I'm in the minority, but I really liked it. A classic? Nah, but it was pretty fun none the less. 7/10.

Posted by Chad on January 07, 2012 Chain Letter
	I wasn't blown away or anything, but it was alright. Like the review said, there were some neat kills and a decent killer, and that goes a long way in this household. I wasn't too fond of the lack of an ending though - seriously, the movie just stops in the middle of a scene. It feels like the last ten minutes came up missing and they just said "fuck it" and released it anyway.

Posted by Chad on December 30, 2011 Poltergeist II: The Other Side
	I thought the first one was alright - nothing great, just alright. This, though... wow, what a step down. 3/10.

Posted by Chad on December 26, 2011 Poltergeist

I guess I'm going to be the odd man out here, but I didn't think the movie was anything special aside from the special effects. Take those out of the equation, and you're left with a movie that is just sort of there - it's not bad, but it's far from great. I had fond memories of this as well, but watching it again today, I just don't see what the fuss was about. 6/10. Oh, and I also hate it when the score overwhelms the dialogue in a movie, and that happens constantly throughout this one. Annoying.

Posted by Chad on December 14, 2011 Dracula vs. Frankenstein
	On a personal note, I watched this movie, typed up the review, put it in the system queue... and then a few hours later, I had to go to the hospital to get emergency surgery. Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by Chad on December 05, 2011 Blades
	This was a decent parody of Jaws... on paper. Just swap out the shark for a lawnmower and the ocean for a golf course, and bam! Great parody action. However, the actual film was way too long and much too padded, and I just couldn't get into it that much. 5/10.

Posted by Chad on December 01, 2011 The Dead Zone
	I really enjoyed the book, but this adaptation was a small step up from awful. The problem is that they wanted to keep everything from the book in the movie, but they didn't have time to devote to all of it... so they jumped from scene to scene at a frantic pace. With a longer running time or with less of the stuff from the book, this could have been a great movie. As is, not so much.

Posted by Chad on November 30, 2011 Last Action Hero
	I wasn't a big fan of that kid in the leading role, but otherwise, I'm going with the herd here. Fun movie, with just the right mix of legit action and self-referential parody / comedy. Thumbs up.

Posted by Chad on November 06, 2011 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
	Loved this movie, and it topped the original in just about every way. The ending was a bit of a let-down, but that could be because the unrated cut isn't out yet (I purchased this though Xbox VOD). Even in its cut form though, this film will make you cry.

Posted by Chad on November 05, 2011 Dead Stop
	It was better where it was. Seeing the zombie pop up in the back seat was a nice little shock since we had no idea what was going on... but with the news clip at the beginning, we'd have known where it was going before it actually happened and it would have killed that shock factor.

Posted by Chad on November 05, 2011 Dead Stop
	Once again, I enjoyed this one just a little more than you did. It's a decent take on the zombie genre (yeah, I spoiled it), and as a "slice of life" short, it was a pretty good shot at showing the outbreak of a zombie epidemic. I wasn't a huge fan of the actor playing the main cop, but otherwise, this one gets a thumbs up from me. 7/10.

Posted by Chad on November 05, 2011 Tag
	I wasn't in love with it, but I definitely enjoyed it more than you did. 6/10.

Posted by Chad on November 02, 2011 The Troll Hunter
	Freaking loved this movie, huge thumbs up.

Posted by Chad on October 18, 2011 Demon Divas And The Lanes Of Damnation
	If you can't wait, you can buy it straight from the filmmakers at happycloudpictures.com - $10 + $2 shipping, and they usually throw in some goodies with your order. Also, if you buy from them, you get the original case with a quote from me on the cover!

Posted by Chad on October 17, 2011 True Blood: Season 4
	Yeah, in the book, he turned into a half-werepanther. In other words, he didn't turn into a full-blown panther like the Hot Shot hillbillies, but he was kinda like the wolfman... only, a panther version. It led to some neat storyline angles, but alas, they pissed it away here. Disappointing, especially considering the build to it.

Posted by Chad on September 09, 2011 OMG! The Top 50 Incidents In WWE History
	I enjoyed watching all of this insanity once again, and it's rather telling that of the fifty "incidents", about five of them come from before the attitude era, another five come from after the attitude era, and the other forty... well, you figure it out. Maybe someday wrestling will be fun again.

Posted by Chad on August 07, 2011 Needful Things
	Yes sir, it cut out all of the gore and such, but it added in a bunch of extra footage. It sucks though, it was never released other than airing on TNT, so the only way you can see it now is to download it or buy a bootleg. There's some neat stuff in there, but it's not a huge improvement over the retail cut in any way... it's basically what you would find in the deleted scenes section of a DVD.

Posted by Chad on June 24, 2011 Pet Sematary

I watched this again today... well, I watched about half of it. Definitely didn't strike a chord with me like it did when I wrote that review. Maybe it was because I recently re-read the novel, but whatever it was, this movie just didn't click. The acting was horrible (Midkiff was fucking wretched), the characters were unlikable, there were too many jump scares, the storyline was changed too much, and although I didn't get that far into the movie this time, the comedic relief of Pascow would have irked me. 4/10.

Posted by Chad on May 08, 2011 The Horde
	This is one of the best zombie flicks I've seen in a long time. Huge thumbs up, 9/10 - minus one point only because I disliked the ending.

Posted by Chad on May 08, 2011 Salt
	Guilty as charged!

Posted by Chad on May 07, 2011 The Wolfman
	I only watched the unrated cut on the DVD, and that was decent. I wouldn't say it was great, but yes, decent would cover it. The only thing that really hurt it was the finale... we don't need a CGI-drenched battle filled with wire-fu in a freaking werewolf movie.

Posted by Chad on May 01, 2011 Raw Meat
	Four years later, I actually watched it, and I liked it. It wasn't a perfect film, but there was a lot to love here, especially the cannibal's little "home" by the rails. Definitely some creepy stuff there, and yes, Pleasence was great. 7/10.

Posted by Chad on April 17, 2011 Gantz

This was actually a fairly decent action flick. I passed on coloring books and cartoons back when I was four or five so I have no idea how the original material played out, but as a stand-alone product, this one gets a thumbs up. The only thing that irked me about it was... look, I usually don't bitch about stupid decisions in movies - I know, it'd be pretty damned boring if the babysitter ran out the front door instead of up the steps and into the killer's arms. However, when you've got a gun that can kill the bad guy in one shot, and you've got said gun pointed right at said bad guy's face, why would you not pull the trigger and instead allow him to smack you around? I can even see that happening once or twice to heighten the mood, but during every freaking action sequence? That annoyed me to no end, but otherwise, I guess a 7/10 is appropriate.

Posted by Chad on March 17, 2011 Vampyres
	"The breasts were all obviously fake" = really? All of the ones I saw seemed perfectly natural. Bizarre! Anyway, I just couldn't get into this one, as it was too slow-paced for the vast majority of the running time, and when it finally picked up the pace... well, it never really picked up the pace, it just got slightly less boring. Some boobs, some blood, plenty of yawns. 3/10.

Posted by Chad on February 09, 2011 Let Me In

There's like, three gory / "shock-scare" scenes in the entire movie... unless you count a kid cutting his finger or Abby having some blood on her chin as gory, which I don't. Your mileage may vary though. Also, I don't think that it's so much unsubtle here as it is "you've read the book and you've seen the original, of course you know the things they're hinting at." Were they unsubtle about the fact that Abby is actually a boy because of the numerous hints? Well, no, they never actually said it... but since you know what's going on, you catch those hints more than Joe Movie-watcher.

Posted by Chad on February 08, 2011 Let Me In
	I'll be the first to shit on a remake if it deserves it, especially a remake that really didn't need to be made, but you can't honestly say that this one was bad in any way. Chloe Moretz was perfect as Abby, and even though some of the CGI was spotty, it was nothing to really bitch about. If you didn't like this one, you either didn't like the original or you watched it with hater's eyes.

Posted by Chad on February 07, 2011 Let Me In
	The only negative thing that I can say about this remake is that the pool sequence was so much better in the original. Other than that, huge thumbs up to this one.

Posted by Chad on December 06, 2010 Catfish

I have no idea if this movie is legit or not - as is the case with most movies like this, I've read "concrete proof" that it's all fake, and I've read "solid evidence" that it's 100% legit. I'm kinda guessing that it's fake due to my gaydar going off non-stop throughout the movie (seriously, that leading man doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd be interested in women), but hey, I could be wrong. Anywho, I did enjoy the movie... if it's fake, it's a damned engrossing story regardless, and if it's real, then it's an engrossing yet sad piece of film. 8/10.

Posted by Chad on November 30, 2010 Begotten
	Watched this one last night, and my God. There is some great imagery here, but if ever a movie needed to be watched on fast-forward, this would be the one. This seventy-minute movie could be condensed down to ten minutes and lose none of its shock value, so to say that it's glacially slow is an understatement.

Posted by Chad on November 21, 2010 Frankenstein vs. The Creature From Blood Cove
	I'm going way back here, but are you sure you're talking about the same movie? This was released in 2005, and I doubt it made it to any of those 50-pack releases (though I could be wrong).

Posted by Chad on November 14, 2010 A Nightmare On Elm Street
	Not as bad a remake as "Friday the 13th" but terrible nonetheless. 3/10. ^Agreed. How can a remake come out almost thirty years after the original, attempt to redo key scenes, and pull it off with worse special effects? It boggles the mind. Also, yeah, bring back Englund or scrap the remakes.

Posted by Chad on October 04, 2010 Resident Evil: Extinction
	Decent enough. Not great, but it was a step up from the previous film and moderately enjoyable in its own right. 5/10.

Posted by Chad on October 03, 2010 A Serbian Film

This movie was actually great, and it managed to do something that few films can: it shocked me and it disgusted me. Me, the guy who is almost untouchable after two decades of horror movies. Major credit to the filmmakers for doing that and also telling a captivating story at the same time. As for the review, yeah, it was completely unfounded to trash the movie based on a ten-second scene that only serves to show what kind of people these filmmakers are (the ones in the movie, not the ones in the real world). They're made out to be people who deal in highly illegal, highly repulsive pornography - did you expect to see them filming a normal missionary position or, heavens to Betsy, an anal scene?

Posted by Chad on September 14, 2010 A Serbian Film

What I'm saying is, it did what it set out to do: it shocked you and it disgusted you. That was what the filmmakers attempted to do, and it worked. Everything surrounding that element of the movie worked as well, in your opinion (I haven't seen it yet - kinda hard to watch this one at work, but it's on my Archos). I know you don't like these kinds of movies (see: Hostel), but it just boggles the mind that you'd damn the movie for doing what it advertised. Again, that's like complaining that a comedy made you laugh or that a documentary taught you something.