Posted by Ginose on June 18, 2016
The Purge: Anarchy
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One of the best "Punisher" movies ever made. That
said... eh. Kind of in the same boat with you on
this one. I might have enjoyed it more, but the
issues still existed. 7.2/10
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Posted by Ginose on June 18, 2016
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows
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A fun call, and I agree with... a LOT of what you
said, still, thought this was a mess. A choppy,
obnoxiously edited mess, that I found much less
jarring and completely fucking obnoxious than the
first film, but a mess all the same. Still, they
got two of my favorite "TMNT" characters of all
time right... but, unfortunately, they also
completely fucked up my favorite "TMNT" character
of all time so... meh. A hard, "meh". May watch it
again, someday. 5.1/10
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Posted by Ginose on July 16, 2013
Evil Dead
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Some of the best re-worked material I've seen in a
horror film, and easily the only thing Diablo Cody
has written that didn't make me break-out in
snarky-bitch hives, but the direction was fun and
interesting, as was the gore. This is a hard 8
from me, or at least a high-7.
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Posted by Ginose on July 10, 2013
Green Lantern
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No. It is not. Hal Jordan's lantern origin could
not have been easier to tell. This movie got bad
reviews because it looks terrible, is paced
awkwardly and pays absolutely no respect to the
source material or any of the characters in it.
This movie has kneecapped any hope we had of a
Justice League movie in the near future, and
"Man of Steel" has not renewed that
hope.
That said, 1.8/10 for Mark Strong
as the absolute best Sinestro we could have hoped
for.
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Posted by Ginose on August 19, 2012
Ghoulies
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Fuck off. I liked it better then and I like it
better now. It's not exactly as functional (or
good) as "Gremlins", but I argue its
tone and plot are considerably better managed than
"Critters", which has just as many inane
plot-points that are just less amusing. There's
not much plot-worth between either, but if this
movie were called something other than
"Ghoulies" it'd still be put next to
"Night of the Demons" and any other
demonic haunted-house movie from the era. The only
difference is this one marketed its puppets as the
main focus of the film.
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Posted by Ginose on July 27, 2012
The Dark Knight Rises
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(ALSO SPOILERS) Injured himself in the fall
with Dent at the end of the first film. The
"Dent Act" stopped most, if not all,
organized crime in Gotham; Batman wasn't
necessarily needed, but Wayne couldn't give him
up. I don't think Catwoman as much other than a
burglar would have worked here. Batman is hardly
Batman in these, can you imagine Catwoman being
her sexually-dominant and conniving self without
enough time to root her as an anti-hero/villain?
It just wouldn't have made much sense. Aside from
that and disagreeing about Gordon-Levitt's
performance/character being "horrible"
instead of just "essentially useless" I
completely agree with everything you said.
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Posted by Ginose on June 5, 2012
Ultimate Avengers
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In this movie's defense, in terms of the Sam
Jackson Fury, this one was... eh, sort of based on
Millar's "The Ultimates" (as was
Whedon's, to a much larger extent then I'm sure
he's willing to admit), which was the first known
existence of the Jackson Fury. Why Marvel's going
all out with it in EVERYTHING lately is confusing
me...but eh... Hasselhoff wasn't any better. Always a fun watch, this one. 8.4/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 26, 2012
Thor
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Loved the shit out of this. Alittle bit too much
high-camp at places, which felt weird against the
obviously expensive movie, but it was damned
fun. 8.3/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 26, 2012
Captain America: The First Avenger
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This is, easily, in my top five comic-adaptations
of all time. They could not have possibly done a
better "Captain America" movie. 10/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 2, 2012
Suburban Commando
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"CHRIST, I WAS FROZEN TODAY" Had
to. Also, 7/10 for some sort of continued
enjoyment I have for it.
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Posted by Ginose on February 28, 2012
The Driller Killer
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Eeeeeeyeah. Gonna have to back Bill here. I think
Ferrara, on average, is a fucking hack anyway...
I've never liked "Driller Killer"... in
the least. There are, however, MUCH worse video
nasties out there. The notoriety of being a VN is
all that keeps this one in the annals of
horror. 2.9/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 19, 2012
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
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I second Billy Ray, on all counts. I also believe
this one completely failed to even manage the
stomach-turning it attempted, and just ended up
being massively boring more than anything. The
first one was cute in a lot of ways.
Tongue-in-cheek jabs at its own exploitation roots
and all. It's like this one assumed that its only
sales point was enough to hoist a whole movie
on... Good God was it not. As a sequel, it
aims to do nothing but sell its shit (LOL), as a
movie... its just awful. 1/10 A solid point
for being so laughably obnoxious that it actually
added that one BIT of color. Fuck you, Six. Part
three should probably be an actual movie.
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Posted by Ginose on January 30, 2012
Predators
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Gotta back Billy-Ray here. I loved the hell out of
this. I agree it dick-rode the original something
terrible, but that didn't hardly effect my
enjoyment of it in the least. It was just a great
action-film and truly one of the best films with
the Yaujta in a long time. 8.3/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 10, 2011
Let Me In
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I think the atmosphere Reeve's created was
sincere, but I don't think it was better. It felt
alot more attached to the chracters then I cared
for, but, as I said, this one did have it's
merits. Where do you believe this one suceeded the
original, Billy Ray?
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Posted by Ginose on February 9, 2011
Let Me In
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I can't really agree with that either, though it
may be part of it, mostly considering the fact
that in this version there isn't even any
indication that Abby is/was a boy at all (not your
point, but I'm getting to it). Nothing aside from
the rementioned line "I'm not a girl"...
That's one of the things I felt was terribly
insulting. Too much of the careful pacing and plot
are ignored as to favor a more horr-heavy flavor
that, frankly, the story just didn't need. Now,
let's take those three (more or less) gore scenes
in this one and compare it to the original film...
which had one (that this one had to pump the fuck
out of, as well) and for all the right reasons.
Something I found utterly unbearable about this
style was it's focus of the vampiric aspects of
Abby. This made her truly faithful in adaptation
at points, but at others made her a hell-beast.
Doesn't this kind of counter-act her necissity for
a Renfield? I mean, she seemed utterly capable
whenever she needed be, as opposed to Eli, who
seemed sickly when unfed and could only hunt
through her cunning, making a human partner seem
much more logical. Abby was scaling walls,
decapitating and leaping from cheers before
mauling prey. It all seemed so... silly. Like
there needed to be more drive to prove that this
was a vampire film rather then just accepting it
as face value. I say it again, this was a
good movie, but an utterly unecissary remake. It
idn't create anything new and just took away
things that made the original a fantastic film. I
would go so far as to say that Reeve's probably
loved the source material, but it still felt like
he had to dumb it down so Joe Movie-watcher and
his bubbly-blonde girlfriend could enjoy it.
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Posted by Ginose on February 8, 2011
Hatchet II
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Well, I dunno about all THAT Ben, but a damned
good sequel no doubt. I felt the budget might have
had a bit of a stifle, and the gore department
wasn't quite up to par with the last one, but this
shit was fun on a bun, all the same. 7.9/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 8, 2011
Let Me In
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Then you're probably going to prefer this to the
original, but the pacing is pretty much he same,
it just pumps it up as hard as possible. It feels
like it was designed with you people (short
attention spans) in mind, so it tries so hard to
make sure enough is happening as to keep someone's
attention so the story will keep constantly on
your mind. I can't promise it works very well, but
it didn't do much but piss me off. Can't promise
you'll like it, but I'll say give it a shot if you
didn't care for the original.
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Posted by Ginose on February 8, 2011
Let Me In
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No. No, no, no and fuck you. No sir: I went in
wanting to LOVE this movie. I gave it every
benefit of the doubt. I was worried, at first, and
then I heard all the actors involved as well as
the fact that, like Amicus' remarkable return to
grace with Stuart Gordon's "Stuck", this
was Hammer's return to the mainstream horror
world. I was more than ready to accept Moretz in
another starring role after her fucking excellent
turn as Hit-Girl, and I couldn't have asked for a
better build-up for a remake of what was easily
one of the greatest vampire films of the last
several decades. This was not what I wanted.
Just about every chance he got, Reeve's pumped out
as much gore and shock-scares as possible, which
is the exact fucking opposite of what the original
wanted to be. You've read the book, I hope? Well,
neither were perfect transitions, but the original
left the mystery and approached the subtlety of
Eli's vampirism with a bit of fucking tact. Now,
every chance we get to see it here become full on
vampire goring. Why? To what ends? There's so
little mystery left to her character. The approach
of Oskar's attraction to Eli was hammed up to the
point of being one of the most important aspect of
this version, when it was so muted in the original
because the story was about a much a romance as
Frankenstein's monster's connection to his creator
in the last act of the book... fuck.
I
felt cheated because this was, in essence, the
same as any American remake I've seen: It thinks
everyone misunderstood the original and decides
that we need it pandered to us as simply as
possible, and providing much needed action and
gore to keep the average viewer's attention. That
was unnecissary. This was unnecissary. No one is
that stupid. I thought this one was alright. Just
alright. It did a huge disservice to the original,
but it wasn't a bad movie. I don't think I'll ever
watch it again, to be certain.
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Posted by Ginose on February 7, 2011
Willard
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This is, hands down, one of the greatest remakes
of all time. Just watched this shit again, instead
of the Super Bowl, and loved it as much as I did
the first time. It's a bit more broad and blunt
than the original, but that was the intention of
the design. It was damned clever in it's handling
of the material, and where the FUCK is Crispin
Glover these days? "Hot Tub Time
Machine"? Is that really all we're getting?
Feh. Excellent fucking movie. 9.2/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 7, 2011
Let Me In
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And the first meeting at the playground... and the
tunnel scene... and the part with the cop in her
apartment... and basically every seen where she is
a vampire.... Subtlety was completely lost to
Reeves. It was almost cheesy in it's execution...
I didn't love it, as it felt remarkably
dumbed-down compared to the original. A
6.Meh/10
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Posted by Ginose on January 13, 2011
The Wolfman
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...no. No, I found this to be a good,
blood-drenched monster movie. 7.8/10
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Posted by Ginose on September 27, 2010
A Serbian Film
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Actually, a critque is giving an analysis based on
your personal opinion. A review is a more
objective analysis of a film's merits from all
aspects of it. Well, that's what I've always
gathered the difference is. As that's normally the
difference I've seen between the writings of film
critics and film reviewers. I think a critic can
stat an opinion that people respect based upon
their knowledge of the medium, where as a reviewer
explains how they felt about the film's individual
components, thus, reviewing a movie rather than
just telling people how they felt about it. I
THOUGHT that's what it was, anyway... that's how
I've been writing mine...
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Posted by Ginose on September 14, 2010
A Serbian Film
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This movie was utterly pointless, profane,
disgusting and served, in no way, to advance film
as an art-form. I still loved the fuck out of
it. Aside from being gorgeous, it was
definately a test in the limits of bad taste, and
it worked in wonderful ways. I wasn't bored once
throughout, and found myself, ME, actually shocked
by the movie as it went on. Not that it was
anything deeply cerebral, but it was a glorious
mind-fuck of exploitation and just plain nasty.
The effects were great, the actign was actually
pretty fantastic across the spread. All of the
human drama and characterization of Milo and his
family (brother included) were extremely
realistic, and, overall this was just the type of
morbid, horrific film that we need, to wash the
boring torture-porn from our mouths and give us
something exciting. 8/10 You crazy,
Billy Ray. You crazy.
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Posted by Ginose on September 5, 2010
Red Room
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Meh. I can't say I was anywhere NEAR as impressed
as Chad and the boys, but I thought it was decent.
None of the stunts or shock moments were all that
great and the ending was just kind of boringly
predictable. (My lady mentioned a good bit of
factual error: Having to do with the ending, and
how, technically, the winner had already lost.)
Overall, I would watch it again, but I didn't
enjoy it anywhere near as much as the second. 5.5/10
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Posted by Ginose on September 5, 2010
Red Room 2
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That ending was fucking awesome. I thought this
was so much better than the first it hurt. I
didn't think much of anything interesting happened
in the first film, this one had alot going for it,
was completely balls-to-the-wall and the ending
had me laughing my ass off. I'm not sure what type
of consistency or high-brow entertainment you all
expected, but I thought it was great. Severely
want a third. 7.7/10
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Posted by Ginose on August 22, 2010
Phenomena
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I always thought this to actually be one of his
better ones, to be honest. It was gorgeous, at
times, and easily had one of the best soundtracks
Goblin compossed (and that is a statement); truth
is, I actually loved the story, one of the best
giallo thrillers of the 80s, to say the least.
9/10
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Posted by Ginose on August 22, 2010
Piranha
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Dying to see this one, but been a bit too busy
with school and work to really get a chance to go
out. This one I'm going to make an exception for.
I will see this movie. Aja has an extremely good
track-record thus-far, and this looks to be the
most wonderful kiss to b-movie fun that I have
seen in so long. ...good to see you back,
Billy Ray... there, I said it...
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Posted by Ginose on August 14, 2010
The Guard Post
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Me and my lady watched this one yesterday. I
thought it was well-made and, for the most part, a
great character-driven thriller, but, like Chad, I
was confused by the constant flashbacks wiht no
indication towards which was which, and the last
20 minutes I saw from a mile away, so, meh, she
seemed to like itmore than me, to be sure. 7.1/10
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Posted by Ginose on August 14, 2010
True Blood: Season 1
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First season was okay. Second and, so far, the
third are terribly acted and shallowly cliche,
right down to the characters and plot devices. Enjoyed this season, alright, but I do not care
for the show overall. 8/10
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Posted by Ginose on May 5, 2010
Rescue From Gilligan's Island
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Well, I agree to disagree. With the ever-so
slight exception of Bob Denver (I give his
performance a "just barely"), none of he
characters seemed to have any of the energy or
charisma that they had in the series, particularly
lacking in the Professor and Skipper, who I just
felt bad for. You COULD try to argue that
this was all because of the characters inability
to readjust ot the hardships brought on by their
long-speration from society, but we'd both know
that that had little to no impact on anything that
takes place in this movie... I just can't
agree... I love the series too much to agree.
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Posted by Ginose on May 3, 2010
Rescue From Gilligan's Island
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I just watched this one a few months ago:
Un-fucking-bearable. I couldn't stand it, all
the characters were re-animated corpses (in their
execution) and it honestly felt like NONE of the
actors wanted anything to do with this project.
Not to mention I found it boring as hell. Love the
series, as damn near everyone does, hated this to
death. 1.9/10
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Posted by Ginose on April 11, 2010
Wolfen
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This was a werewolf film? No, I've never
cared for "Wolfen". Saw it at a
dollar-show when I was a wee-lad and it just
wasn't much of a horror-movie. I was perplexed by
exactaly WHAT the movie was trying to be, so I
looked for the book, which helped all of nothing,
in terms of plot or story, but it was a good read.
The movie, however, is just boring. Drawn-out,
preachy and ridiculous, but mostly just boring. 4.1/10
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Posted by Ginose on April 8, 2010
Beowulf
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Know what t he worst part is? I REALLY wanted to
give this one a chance. Then I did.
2.4/10 And has anyone here read the whole
poem? Honestly? That shit is boring. Glad the
movie did nothing more than pack the condensed
version of the story in.
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Posted by Ginose on April 8, 2010
Clash Of The Titans
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Uhhh... really? To me it looked like the
classic-Kraken with less definition had fucked
Cloverfield.
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Posted by Ginose on April 4, 2010
The Collector
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Well, I had fun with it. It was graphic enough for
me to attempt to ignore all of the glaring
plotholes and lack of setup for ANYONE/THING, but
it still felt like a very poorly written affair.
Sure, I can shut my brain off and enjoy a good
splatterfest, but when I don't even get more than
a 15-minute untroduction to the 7 or 8 victims in
the movie? That's just poor script-structure.
Like I said, liked it, will probably watch it
again, sometime, but it wasn't anything I'd praise
in terms of modern slasher films. 6.2/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 31, 2010
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
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As a fairly large fan of "Boondock
Saints", I'd say this is one of the most
shamless, hollow and boring follow-ups to a
cult-classic I've ever seen. Didn't like this one
a bit, excluding the fact that one of the most
un-Mexican Mexicans I've ever seen in my life
somehow was expected to play a believable,
pride-filled Mexican, the performance of which had
me laughing myass off. Yeah, no, this one was
pretty damned awful. None of the energy of the
first and hardly any of the fun. Was kinda
embarassed that I convinced my lady to watch it.
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Posted by Ginose on March 30, 2010
The Descent: Part 2
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You fucker, I'm still trying to get ahold of this
one. Didn't look like anything too special (as you
mentioned, what more can you do with the story
after the first one), but I loved the original so
much that there's no way I'd pass up a chance to
see it continued.
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Posted by Ginose on March 30, 2010
Creep
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I don't know what the other guy said, but this was
a pretty bad-ass picture. I'd watch it a few more
times, just to see a genuinely good horror film
and remind myself that the world of modern horror
is still worht defending. 8.5/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 7, 2010
Roman
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Hooooooly fuck, I had no idea this was reviewed
here, I wa just about to do it, myself. Totally
agreed. 9/10
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Posted by Ginose on March 5, 2010
True Romance
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I hate to agree so heatidly with someone who
hasn't used this site in almost five years, but
the scene with Walken and Hopper was fucking
spectacular. The movie is pretty good, too.
8.3/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 21, 2010
Hostel: Part II
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..."The Shining" mini-series, as well as
the book, suck. King is a hack. I've never met a
man with such a dedicated fear of inanimate
objects in my life, and even Kubrick realized
this, thus making the "hotel" less of a
chracter in his adaptation and focusing on the
crushing lack of sanity that t he hotel (and its
history) cause.
Anyway, yeah, this did
suck. I only liked the first because it was a good
jab at exploitation in the modern era, but I'm
starting to see the lack of realized potential in
such a revival on modern audiences. This was
shallow, thick and tried to provide a narrative
that it just didn't need in order to function
well-enough. The gore was even more tame than the
first and, although I feel Eli Roth is probably a
great guy, who I'd get alongwiht immensly, I don't
think he knows the difference between a "fun
movie that's good" and a "fun
movie". He can't seem to direct either
terribly well and, aside from "Cabin
Fever", his filmography is showing itself to
be as one dimmensional as his take on the
genre. Saw a round-table discussion between
Takashi Miike, Guilmero del Toro and Roth at the
Cannes screening of Miike's "Gozu", and,
although roth shows the same type of
utter-fanboyism, his obsession with the violence
aspect of film is almost insulting to any decent
horror filmmaker and I could almost here Miike and
del Toro's eyes rolling as he went on. Like I
said, I'm sure I'd get along with the guy, but
he's not a talented man. Here's looking
forward to a project by him that is at least
functioning as a FILM. 2.7/10
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Posted by Ginose on February 15, 2010
Juno
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Yeah, no. Too cute to be funny, to quirky to be
smart. This was not a good movie. ellen Page was
finein her role... if her role was meant to be
that of the teenage girl that every teenage girl
thinks she is and since she was the o nly thing
carrying this totally mundane plot then there's
nothing else I can really give this one credit
for. Also, with Cris, soundtrack was unbearbly
obnoxious. 2/10 If I ever meet Michael
Cera in the streets I'm going to break his
annoying fucking face. If I see him in one more
movie playing the exact same fucking character I'm
going to lose it.
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Posted by Ginose on February 15, 2010
The Wrestler
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45, according to IMDb. Would've fucked Pam
Grier up until around 2000. Age is NEVER a factor.
That's like saying you'd make judgement calls on
fucking a vampire.
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Posted by Ginose on February 15, 2010
The Wrestler
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This was an absolutely engaging and gorgeous piece
of film. I will watch it a dozen more times before
I stop praising it, and even then I will love it.
Too many people I know complain about where it
ends, though... dick-heads. 9.5/10
And I would fuck Marisa Tomei's face off of her
face.
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Posted by Ginose on February 14, 2010
Oasis Of The Zombies
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Oh shit, totally hadn't noticed this was reviewed
here. Wow. This one was fucking horrible.
Came in that "50 Chiller Pack" for
$15... hell, the set came with "Bad
Taste" and "Profondo Rosso", so
whatever, right? Well, I love me some zombie films
and figured "FUCK YEAH NAZI ZOMBIES".
Love those bastards too... wow... Just...
0/10... wow...
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Posted by Ginose on January 26, 2010
Avatar
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I suppose it is all semantics, and I could never
berate "Avatar" on its own merits. Like
Greg said, it really is the perfect popcorn
movie, But, come on man, atleast
"Terminator" told us why AND how there
was a machine-uprising. "Avatar" gives
us a vague "why" and some VERY loose
information as to "how" and tells us to
fill in the blanks ourself, almost like slapping
our foreheads and saying "NOW WATCH THE
PRETTY CAT-PEOPLE!". it probablly ISN'T
necissary, but I feel that it truly demeans the
movie's worth when it won't give a simple
explaination. Like I said, I'm looking
forward to the "director's cut" (the
first director's cut in history from Cameron that
I'm looking forward to), which hopefully has some
more information in those regards.
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Posted by Ginose on January 26, 2010
Avatar
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Well, Cris, I'll be honest, I don't think you can
really call the primary event that sets all the
pieces in motion and was the only REAL conflict in
the film a "subplot" (go ahead and TRY
to defend Jake's acceptance as a conflict... I
DARE you). I knew exactally what I was going
to get from the movie before I saw it, and I
CERTAINLY didn't want an action movie. I had a
feeling it was going to be another cliche-ridden
drama like all of the movies that used the plot
before it (except for "Pocahontas", that
shit was legit), and I was right. Doesn't mean the
movie was bad, by no stretch of the word, it just
wasn't anything special. It wasn't anything
original. It wasn't anything different. It was
just pretty. Very pretty. It'll break all
kinds of records, sure, but that's what Cameron
does. Can you give me three good reasons why
"Titanic" did as well as it did? I sure
as hell can't. The man can make an expensive
movie, and he can make it look good, but his
recent films just aren't that damned iconic. My biggest beef with "Avatar" isn't
its lack of logic, it's its lack of anything
worthwhile.
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