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Creepshow III (2006)

DVD Cover (HBO Studios)
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2.0
 / 10
12 votes
Movie Connections:
Creepshow
> Creepshow (1982)
> Creepshow 2 (1987)
> Creepshow III (2006)
Genres:
Creature Film, Horror, Horror Anthology
Directors:
Ana Clavell Ana Clavell
James Glenn Dudelson James Glenn Dudelson
Starring:
Stephanie Pettee Stephanie Pettee
Roy Abramsohn Roy Abramsohn
Susan Schramm Susan Schramm
Bunny Gibson Bunny Gibson
Matt Fromm Matt Fromm
Avatar
Review by Chad
Added: May 24, 2007
1982 brought us Creepshow, a horror anthology film in which two of the masters teamed up for one solid offering - honestly, what's not to love about stories penned by Stephen King delivered to us in a movie directed by George Romero? It was a classic film in my humble opinion, and it's also a film that I've watched countless times over the years thanks to the fact that almost everything about it is entertaining as hell. 1987 brought us Creepshow 2, a film which also contained stories by Stephen King and a script by George Romero, and although it didn't quite live up to the original, it was still decent enough in its own little way. Now, we horror fans have finally got what we've been waiting for: Creepshow III. With stories by the legendary... uh, Ana Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson and directed by the infamous... umm, Ana Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson, this film promised to breathe new life into the series and set the box office on fire. Oh, who am I kidding - those are the same bastards who gave the horror community a big "Fuck you!" with the abomination known as Day of the Dead 2: Contagium, so did you really expect any better when they raped this franchise?

Opening with an animation sequence which makes Homestar Runner look like the latest Hollywood epic, our feature presentation for the day tells five stories with varying degrees of quality; in other words, some of them are completely fucking wretched while others are simply nauseating. I'm going to go through each story, and spoilers will run rampant as I can't honestly see anyone giving a shit anyway.

Alice
A snotty little teenage bitch comes home one day to discover that her dad has a new remote control which he can use to manipulate the people around him (comparable to a poor man's Click). He pushes a button, and click - the whole family, save for the teenager, is now black. He pushes another button, and zap - they're now Mexicans. At this point, the girl starts to develop some sort of oozing sores on her body, but when daddy dearest pushes the button again, everything is back to normal... until he pushes it for the final time, at which point, the girl is completely covered in these sores. A professor swings by the house and turns her into a rabbit, and that wraps up story number one.

I did not exaggerate not one little detail of that synopsis, and I swear on all that is unholy that I didn't make any of it up. Do I really need to even say anything else about why I didn't enjoy it?

The Radio
A loser of a security guard purchases a radio from a bum on the streets and brings it home to listen to the ongoing baseball game, only to discover that there is some sort of ghostly voice emanating from it instead of the play-by-play announcers that he expected. This ghost tells him what he needs to do in order to succeed in life ("sneak into this building, steal the money, invest in stocks"), and just when everything is going good for him, a pimp shows up out of nowhere and kills him. That's a wrap, folks.

I hate to give these clowns any sort of credit whatsoever, but I actually enjoyed this up until a certain point. It's a shame that said point was the ending, at which point I wondered why in the hell the thought that they could have done something right ever crossed my mind. You see, it's actually a pretty interesting concept, and although it's been done before, it could have worked in the scenario presented here. I was wondering where they would go with it as the story plodded along, and apparently, the filmmakers were also wondering the same thing when they were writing and directing this. They obviously came up empty, so we wound up with this cop-out ending. Figures.

Rachel the Call Girl
A prostitute is responsible for the latest string of murders in a quiet little town, and on this particular night, she's been called out to the house of a young guy looking to get lucky for the first time. She ties him up per his kinky request and stabs him to death before taking a shower. When she gets out of the shower, she finds that he has put on a bargain bin Halloween mask - excuse me, "transformed into a demon" - and he proceeds to bite her on the neck. Next!

Once again, I find myself wondering if I really need to explain to you fine readers why this didn't work for me. Call me crazy, but I think you kids can figure it out on your own.

Professor Dayton
Professor Dayton, the man responsible for the remote control found in the first story, has also been working on another invention over the course of the last twenty years, but he refuses to let anyone know what it is. One night, he invites a few of his brightest students over to his house and announces to them that he's getting married... to a woman who isn't even old enough to be his granddaughter. The students come to the realization that his newest invention must be an extremely life-like robot, so they set out to figure out a way to dismantle it (because, you know, that's the only logical thing to do). It turns out that this "robot" was actually a Russian mail-order bride, and the students don't realize this until they've hacked her up into little pieces.

On paper, it's just like something out of a Tales from the Crypt comic, complete with the ironic ending and macabre subject matter. On the screen, it was actually pretty good... but much like The Radio, it's completely ruined by a couple of incompetent hacks who wouldn't know how to tell a story even if they somehow managed to steal the rights to the works of Mother Goose.

The Haunted Dog
Thank Alanis, it's the last story of the set. This one centers around a man who drops a hot-dog on the ground, and - not wanting to eat this dirt-covered dog - hands it over to a nearby bum. The bum eats it and dies, so naturally, he comes back to haunt this poor guy and eventually causes him to die of fright. Roll credits, end of movie.

Once again, I find myself wondering if I really need to explain to you fine readers why this didn't work for me. Call me crazy, but I think you kids can figure it out on your own.

And there you have it: the abomination known as Creepshow III. If you think I'm exaggerating or holding a grudge against these filmmakers for stealing the Creepshow name to sell their schlock, I invite you to pirate a copy of it (please, don't put any money into their pockets) and see for yourself just how bad a movie can be. But hey, maybe they'll improve in Creepshow 4... which has already been announced. Gee, I simply can't wait for that one. 0/10.
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Edd #1: Edd - added 05/24/2007, 12:13 PM
I haven't seen it yet, but holy fuck, now I really don't want to.
Edd #2: Edd - added 08/01/2008, 09:48 AM
Okay, saw this free on demand. The shark guy (barring his incredibly lame mask) was the only semi-good part whatsoever. The CGI of the blood squirting from the hand at the end was horrible enough to make an oscar calibur movie go straight down the toilet.
385 #3: 385 - added 10/25/2008, 03:35 AM
Best part was the doctor being a complete dick. Chick walks in "I hurt my wrist." "OK, take off your clothes and bend over the counter, I'll take a look."
Shakes #4: Shakes - added 02/04/2009, 04:59 PM
It's somehow important that this "movie" is never viewed by anyone ever. It is painfully bad. I hated it so much that I even considered hunting down the "filmmakers" and terrorizing their lives for making such a worthless piece of shit and calling it Creepshow III. I won't get into those details... Whatever you do, avoid this at all costs, unless you're a masochist or something. Even then...it will only make you angry at the world...and you will probably lose faith in all that is potentially sacred. 0/10
sameep007 #5: sameep007 - added 07/11/2009, 08:46 AM
this is the best among the creepshow series.
the best part for me wast "the radio" as it has unexpected ending which anyone can think.

the rating i would give is 8/10

Ginose #6: Ginose - added 07/11/2009, 03:16 PM
...I want to strangle every bit of life out of your body for that comment, be it your opinion or not...
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