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31%
Overall Rating
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Ranked #6,179
...out of 20,698 movies
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In this 3D chiller, Barb and her brother Johnny arrive late for the burial of their aunt -- and walk straight into a nightmare. With zombies on her heels, Barb flees the cemetery and is rescued by Ben, a local college student. The two seek refuge in the nearby farmhouse of the Cooper family, where the laid-back residents aren't remotely prepared to have their lives turn into a horror movie. But Barb is destined for an even grimmer confrontation -- with the pyrophobic mortician, Gerald Tovar, Jr.
--IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: October 22, 2007
Comparing this to the original Night of the Living Dead is a bit unfair to both films as they're truly separate entities, and that's either a good thing or a very bad thing depending on how you look at it. They do share some similarities, granted, but it's sort of like comparing a candy bar to a steaming turd: they're both sort of brown'ish in color, they both have the same basic shape, and it's quite possible that they'll both contain nuts inside their creamy exterior. With that said, would you really want to pick up a piece of shit for a late-night treat? I think not, and guess which of these two films is the "candy bar" and which is the "steaming turd?" Yes, you guessed it, the latest remake of the granddaddy of all zombie films should have been flushed rather than shoveled out onto DVD shelves across the country, and I feel as though my IQ has taken a huge hit just from sitting through this garbage.
The storyline starts out much the same in this retelling of the original story, as we kick things off with the brother and sister pair of Barb (Brianna Brown) and Johnny (Ken Ward) driving across the country to attend their aunt's funeral. With the exception of the character names and the obvious inclusion of zombies, that's where the similarities between the two films end. The two arrive at the cemetery (yelling and bickering at one another the whole way), only to discover that everyone is gone... well, everyone except for the zombies that are roaming aimlessly about. Johnny dies, Barb runs away, meets the local mortician (Sid Haig), gets chased off by him, receives a text message ("Coming 4 U Barb") from her zombified brother, meets Ben (Joshua DesRoches), and then holes up with the Cooper family. Insert a bunch of stupid pot jokes (thanks to the fact that the Cooper's are now drug-dealers who happen to raid their own stashes way too much), throw together a bunch of horrible pop culture references, and tack on an ending that even Sid Fucking Haig couldn't save, and you have the film known as Night of the Living Dead 3D.
How about if I just go ahead and get the good parts of the film out of the way first? Well, let's see: the zombie makeup looked pretty good in spots, and as always, Sig Haig played a damned good character and pulled a few chuckles out of me. Judy (Cristin Michele) flashes her boobs for the camera, and... well, that's about it. Yeah, actually that is it - everything else was atrocious.
That covers about three percent of the film's runtime (Haig has more than a cameo appearance, but not much more), so now, let's take a look at the other ninety-seven percent. For starters, I can respect a remake that changes certain pieces of the storyline in an attempt to modernize it; after all, it would be pointless if it was a scene-by-scene and line-by-line remake, so I have no qualms with a filmmaker throwing in a few new twists to keep us on our toes. With that said, it's possible to change things around too much, and what we wind up with in that case is a film that merely has the original film's title slapped on in a desperate attempt to cash in on its good name. That's exactly what happened with Night of the Living Dead 3D.
Think of all the classic scenes from the original film: the cemetery opener, the first zombie attack, the little girl in the basement, the grisly discovery upstairs, the conflict between the main characters, the social commentary, the downer of an ending, and everything else that made the film so memorable. You won't find any of that here, as these filmmakers were content to merely wrap up some drug jokes inside the shell of a horrible z-grade zombie film while throwing things at the camera to play off of the "3D" part of the title. Why even bother tacking on the Night of the Living Dead title when it has nothing to do with the original? This is a rhetorical question, of course, as I know exactly why they did it, but c'mon... this was just stupid.
Alright, so let's pretend that this had no connection to the original film - how does it stand up on its own? Horribly, to be blunt about it. I don't exactly watch zombie movies for award-winning storylines and brilliant acting, but when the highlight of the plot is the revelation that this zombie epidemic started because the town mortician missed his dead daddy (yeah, I spoiled it) and when the acting moves beyond terrible and onwards towards painful, you've got a film that is a tedious chore to sit through. Oh, and for the gorehounds in the audience, don't think that it's worth picking up just to see some decent gore effects, as you'll be sadly disappointed at the complete lack of material from this portion of the film as well.
Imagine if Cheech & Chong attempted to make a semi-serious film while still playing the stoner characters that made them famous. Now, strip out all of the chemistry that those two men had, take out anything that could be considered even remotely funny, and insert some cheesy CGI effects that "pop off of your screen" in 3D... oh, and then call it Citizen Kane 3D. That's sort of how I felt about Night of the Living Dead 3D, and for that, I'm going with a Fuck Y0u / 10.
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#1:
Tristan
- added October 22, 2007 at 11:29am
0 for an o. Very clever.
If this wasn't
$29.99 and didn't look so fucking awful, I would
have picked it up when it came out.
And now,
there's not a chance in hell.
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#2:
Crispy
- added October 22, 2007 at 11:54am
3-D boobs huh. I wonder if the porn industry has
tried this route yet? "3Dsome"
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#3:
grain of sand
- added October 31, 2007 at 6:41am
dude you should have known what you were in for if
you watched the trailer for this.. when I saw the
text message part flash on screen I turned off the
trailer and vowed to never see this shit
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#4:
Zombieboy
- added December 30, 2008 at 11:25am
I will sit through any zombie movie...ANY! And I
had to FORCE myself to sit through this
outlandishly bad piece of trash. Not even in the
so bad it is great catagory. Just gawd aweful. Sid
and 3D boobs...you are right brother...the ONLY
saviors and nowhere near enough. Bought it to have
on the shelf and never ever ever watch again.
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