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The Vampires Night Orgy (1973)

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Overall Rating 48%
Overall Rating
Ranked #9,077
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A busload of tourists stops in to visit a small European town. What they don't know is that the town is completely inhabited by vampires. --IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: June 9, 2008
Spain has never really had a huge output of horror flicks that caught on over here in the States. I mean, sure, they gave us the Blind Dead series and the recent [Rec], but other than that, I'm having a hard time coming up with anything worth mentioning that was rooted in the horror genre and came from that country. So, when a friend of mine sent me a copy of this film - a film that promised both vampires and orgies, a combination that you really can't go wrong with - I thought that I would be able to add another title to that rather short list. Sadly, that won't be happening; while The Vampires' Night Orgy wasn't a downright awful film, it was certainly less than stellar.

It all begins with a bus full of people who are headed out to a remote Spanish estate to begin their various jobs there (one is a gardener, one is a cook, one is a chauffeur, etc.), but plans change when the driver of the bus suddenly keels over and dies with his hands still on the wheel. Luckily, the passengers are able to regain control of the vehicle, but considering that driving the last hundred kilometers to their destination with a dead body doesn't exactly make for a pleasant trip, the group decides to make a pit-stop at a small village.

Once there, they discover that the town has been abandoned. Sure, there's a fire roaring in the fireplace and there is fresh food and drink in the local tavern, but actual people? There's not a soul to be found, until an American tourist shows up and introduces himself as Luis (Jack Taylor). It seems that he too has made a pit-stop in this quaint little village, and after searching every last nook and cranny, he's discovered that it is indeed deserted. That's a little bizarre to say the very least, but our heroes decide to make the best of it and spend the night there regardless of the strange circumstances surrounding the town.

The next day, the villagers appear and the unofficial leader of the group, a fellow who refers to himself as The Major (José Guardiola), explains that there was a funeral taking place last night, and as such, the entire town was at the local cemetery paying their final respects to the dearly departed. Our merry travelers buy the story hook, line, and sinker, but one glance at the title of this film should clue you in as to what was really going on. At this point in the film, the storyline pretty much dies, only to be replaced with monotony, bad lighting, and a complete lack of action. We learn that a lady known as The Countess (Helga Liné) is calling the shots around here, the heroes discover that their bus has broken down, their numbers are slowly whittled down as people mysteriously "disappear", and Luis teams up with Alma (Dyanik Zurakowska) to figure out what is really going on.

Really, that's about all that you're going to get out of the film. The plot is set up within the first twenty minutes, and from there, the film completely loses steam and just sort of dies. A handful of scenes manage to break the monotony with some actually being fairly memorable (wait until you see what type of meat the villagers serve the heroes, and wait until you see how they explain the finger that Alma finds on her plate), but for the most part, this is a by-the-numbers vampire flick that doesn't bring much to the table aside from a gorgeous location.

The vast majority of the film is much too slow and a large number of the scenes found within should have been trimmed or cut out altogether. For example, one scene finds two children playing a game of hide and seek. There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself, and this little game of theirs does serve a purpose in the grand scheme of things, but did we really need to see the entire game from start to finish? I realize that the characters wouldn't know what was going on the moment that they stepped into the town, but did we truly need to hear five or six discussions that can basically be boiled down to "Gee, I wonder what's happening here?" I avoid pushing the fast-forward button on films that I plan to review, but that little rule of mine made watching this film a chore.

When the film does decide to stop dragging its ass and give us some action, the results aren't much better. Granted, there's a handful of good scenes (the aforementioned dinner scene, anything involving "The Giant" Fernando Bilbao, and a cemetery scene that is surprisingly competent), but most of the action is laughable to put it nicely. One of the most glaring errors of the entire film is the score: how could the filmmakers have hoped to build any sort of tension with upbeat jazz (complete with flutes) blaring throughout the entire affair? A good score can enhance even the shittiest film, but at the same time, a horrible score can drag down even the best of films. When you consider that the film didn't have much going for it to begin with, well... I think you can put two and two together. Throw in a handful of "attacks" that mostly consist of the actors baring their dollar-store fangs and making clawing motions with their hands, and you've got eighty minutes of film that couldn't have went by any slower. Oh, and in case you were wondering: no, there are no orgies to be found here. Score one for false advertising.

Overall, the film does have its moments, but it's certainly nothing that I would recommend tracking down unless you pick up one of the numerous fifty-movie packs that contain it. 4/10, and even that may be a little generous.
Griffinheart #1: Griffinheart - added June 9, 2008 at 11:46pm
4/10 very well may be generous, and, sadly, this was one of the better movies in that multipack.
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