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5.4
/ 10
1 vote
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Review by Chad
Added: November 08, 2010
"It's not a porno film - it's a horno film!" So reads the tagline for Horno, a film that attempts to blend together the horror genre with the (softcore) porn genre. It's been done before, naturally, but I'm always up for one of these movies and I usually tend to enjoy them. Honestly, what could be better than picking two of the sleaziest genres in film and blending them together? Who doesn't want to see a bunch of blood and guts alongside a huge amount of T&A? These movies certainly have an audience, and I am quite proud to be counted amongst them.
The storyline for this one goes a little something like this: Ron (Carlos Javier Castillo), a successful porn director hot off the heels of the smash hit Jehova's Witness Anal Sluts, has decided to do something revolutionary for his next project, that being to blend together horror and porn. It's been done countless times in the real world, but it's a novel concept in this universe and his producer quickly sees money signs at the prospect. Thus, Ron sets out to create Children of the Cornhole, a charming little tale about zombies who spread their disease via sodomy.
Everything is going well at first. Ron has assembled a great cast of veterans including Caroline Bottoms (Oceana Christopher), Samantha Good Head (Jesselynn Desmond), Jenna (Ingrid Nicole Kennedy), Carl Strong (Mitchell Roy), and Kirk Ryder (Antonio Royuela), and he's also tapped a few porn legends to appear in cameos by way of Dick Nasty (Terrence Williams) and Laura Love (Audrey Orozco). The cast is feeling the movie, the effects are decent, and the smut is flying fast and furious... but then, the unthinkable happens. Dick Nasty comes into possession of a batch of pills of unknown origin, so naturally, he and Laura decide to smoke them. Unfortunately for them, this causes Laura to turn into a zombie and bite Dick's namesake off, and I believe that it goes without saying that this excuses him from his cameo. He does show up on set though, and he proceeds to spread his zombie sickness by... well, they say that life imitates art, so take that as you will.
Horno, contrary to what you may be thinking, is not a hardcore porno film. Aside from a fake penis, there is not a single scene that even dabbles in hardcore territory: the sex is simulated and left to the imagination, and there are no genitalia shots to be found. Oh, sure, there's loads of boobs and scantily-clad women, but that's as far as it goes. I actually prefer this approach, as this allows the filmmaker to spend more time with the storyline and less time with the sex scenes.
So, you're going to get a lot of boobs and women out of this release. Does it bring anything else to the table to set it aside from the countless other films that do the same? Well, yes, actually. There is plenty of humor on display here, and though it may offend some of the more sensitive viewers, I personally had a blast with it. Watching a gay man and an uppity porn starlet bicker over a blowjob sequence and listening to another young lady discuss enema flavors to be used in conjunction with her upcoming ass-eating scene probably won't put a smile on everyone's face, but I got some good laughs out of it.
As for the horror side of things, Horno is your typical low-budget zombie flick. The zombies are hand-painted, the blood is serviceable but nowhere near snuff quality, and it all plays out in a way that we have seen countless times before. This is not necessarily a complaint, mind you, but those of you who don't enjoy the zombie genre as much as yours truly may be disappointed. I will give the filmmakers credit for a nice gut-eating sequence, and a few bonus points for using those guts to strangle a zombie.
Horno is a short little film, running for just over forty-five minutes, but it brings plenty of laughs, lots of boobs, and an adequate amount of the red stuff in its short running time. It ain't high art, but for fans of sleaze, it's a great way to spend an hour. 8/10.
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