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1 Night In China (2004)

DVD Cover (Red Light District Video Collector's Edition)
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4.2
 / 10
1 vote
Genres:
Celebrity Sex Tape, Hardcore Sex Film
Director:
David Josephs David Josephs
Starring:
Chyna Chyna
Sean Waltman Sean Waltman
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Review by Ginose
Added: June 11, 2011
If there's one thing I have to say for the old MvMMDI it's that we actually keep suit a lot of the time when it comes to reviews. We have a tendency to make our central focus on horror, exploitation, independent and genre films a cornerstone of the regular quota.

Yet, as much work as we put into those particular genres and, indeed, padding out our reviews with wonderful films of all shapes and sizes, it has become apparent that one genre hooks peoples' interest more than any other: porn. Fucking "Left 4 Head" will forever be the review that draws as many people to this site as you could possibly imagine. Does this piss me off? Yes. I'm sure no one will believe me when I say this but I just don't like porno. It can't keep my interest unless it's short or specifically tailored to my tastes (PRO TIP: There isn't any). However, some porn premises manage to keep me watching simply for the value of laughs or the "what-the-fuck" factor. The aforementioned "Left 4 Head" series (as well as many porno parodies) do that fairly well most of the time, but, given my teenage affection for wrasslin', when our fearless leader made mention that this movie not only existed, but has for five years, well, I just had to check it out.

Well, it wasn't short... and it certainly didn't hold my interest.

As far as plot and set-up... I don't really know what to say. It's a fucking sex tape. I mean, we get an opening in which X-Pac gets a free (and copyright dampening) trip to China, where he learns more of its history and culture (and, blazed as he is, clearly seems interested). Then, after telling Chairman Mao to, of course, "suck it", he appears to be in a bedroom with the always somewhat, kind-of attractive Chyna modeling some outfits in front of Pac's handheld camera. A bit of dialoguing later and we get to the sex which, in order, goes oral, vaginal, another trip around China, to more oral, oral, vaginal, oral, oral, etc.; all X-Pac on Chyna for the better part of an hour. It ends with a rather uninteresting anal sex scene in which we get a rather revealing shot-up of Joanie Laurer's pimpled-ass, but it's all for not... it never succeeds in holding my attention, the exception actually BEING the tours about China with a clearly stoned Sean, which are occasionally educational, but always lead to more barely noticeable sex.

Look, I'm as big a fan of pseudo-celebrity sex-tapes as the next guy (okay, probably not) but I just don't get the appeal to this piece. Neither of the two involved are very attractive (especially for people with their athletic conditioning) and none of their sex is really all that fun to watch. Some big points I can give is that Sean actually has some great cinematography for a man shooting a sex-tape of him and his fiancÚ, but this actually just makes you realize all the flaws and boredom in seriously good scope.

I'd argue that unless you have a major rager for either of these two wrestlers then you've got no place trying to watch this. There's much better porn out there for your time, and you really have nothing to gain by watching this one, other than the ability to say you've seen in.

I mean, fuck, I'm only watching it because it's, apparently, sort of relevant right now. I mean, I never found Laurer that attractive as a teen, and that's when I WOULD fuck anything.

2.1/10.
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