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Posted by Christopher on August 07, 2011
Piranha
Piranha Just what I wanted to see in a twenty four million dollar horror movie... an hours worth of tits with some of them being porn stars. Certainly can't see that anywhere else. Easily one of the worst remakes ever.
Posted by Christopher on November 14, 2009
Tales From The Crapper
Tales From The Crapper MST3K ripped apart movies that actually tried to be serious. This whole movie was a joke before Troma even got to it.
Posted by Christopher on April 04, 2008
Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead
Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead If I was still a young teenager, I would have found this entire movie wonderful in every way. But since that age is long gone, the boob and poop jokes just didn't do it for me. The songs were easily the lowest point of the film. Which left the last thirty minutes of the film to be graphically incredible due to there only being one song (the shortest one of the whole movie, no less). Hopefully after Troma gets this released in the states in 2010, Lloyd Kaufman will try his luck on a non-musical film once again.
Posted by Christopher on January 18, 2008
Zombie Self-Defense Force
Zombie Self-Defense Force Easy ten, one of the better Japanese zombie films made during the 2000's.
Posted by Christopher on November 01, 2007
The Tripper
The Tripper I was very disappointed in this film. The trailer looked promising from all the murders that took place, even though they cut away before you saw anything. But I figured it was to save everything for the movie itself. Boy, was I wrong. Every time someone got killed, there would be a little bloodshed before the cut scene. Or the person dying would be a silhouette. The two attacks with the chainsaw at the very beginning and the very end were very sweet. I can't understand why they didn't make the entire film like that. It turned out to be your every day average horror film. Had they set out to make an average horror film, my view on everything would have been completely different. But the whole movie was focused on the gore aspect, the gore that was not there. Kids running away from the masked murderer. Not to mention the big suspense behind unmasking him. It was like watching an R rated Scooby Doo epiosde. Arquette needs to stick to sucking in someone else's films, not making his own.
Posted by Christopher on October 02, 2007
Riki-Oh: The Story Of Ricky
Riki-Oh: The Story Of Ricky Greatest foreign film of all time, easily.
Posted by Christopher on September 25, 2007
Long Weekend
Long Weekend I wasn't a large fan of Long Weekend and the fact Hollywood is remaking it is just pathetic.
Posted by Christopher on September 25, 2007
The Exorcist
The Exorcist Watching the uncut/remastered/new version of this in the theaters totally killed what was left of the film for me. When she'd walk down the stairs, started spewing vomit or any of the other "horrific" scenes, everyone in the theater would laugh. Children to grandparents would be crying in their seats with tears of the film's comedic performances. It completely turned me off of the film and seeing movies with any sort of crowd.
Posted by Christopher on August 23, 2007
Crippled Creek
Crippled Creek There was absolutely nothing good about this film. I can get past horrible acting and ignore terrible production. But this was just too much of too little. An hours worth of five people getting drunk, stoned and having sex. Then thirty minutes of running. Then we come to find out it's going to happen all over again with another group of folks. These horror films just get worse and worse as it becomes easier and easier for retards to make movies.
Posted by Christopher on August 21, 2007
Bloodletting
Bloodletting I knew McCrae looked familiar, I don't think many others would appreciate his appearance though. The movie itself was sweet, regardless. I can't imagine how it hasn't been done in this style before.
Posted by Christopher on August 14, 2007
Re-Penetrator
Re-Penetrator Had Sakmann never left Troma, these fantastic films of his may have never been made.
Posted by Christopher on August 08, 2007
Cheerleader Autopsy
Cheerleader Autopsy The only good thing about this film was the Faith No More shirt one of the yokels was wearing at the beginning.
Posted by Christopher on July 14, 2007
The Hamiltons
The Hamiltons Another fantastic addition to the terrible collection of the After Dark series. Someone's about to die? Best believe it's going to fade to black and show absolutely no murders. Uh ohs, these two brothers don't like each other either, I hope they don't fight! It was like watching a vampire version of Dawson's Creek. "We're not little kids anymore! Mom and dad aren't here anymore! You're not going to push us around anymore! You clean this mess up while we go incest it up!" -Sister and Brother. Then that "monster" locked inside the box. I figured that was going to be the highlight of the movie. Some crazy ass mutant flesh eater. This family should have changed their name to the Disappointments.
Posted by Christopher on January 12, 2007
Sheitan
Sheitan It seemed like the film makers thought to themselves "This would be weird, let's throw this in there." Mostly referring to the ol' swimming hole scene when all the inbreds wanted to... I don't even know. Regardless, it was effective, even though it was very unnecessary. I definitely agree with your horror film comment. They don't all have to be filled with all sorts of action to be shocking.
Posted by Christopher on December 31, 2006
Feast
Feast It would have been much better if it wasn't so dark all the time. I also didn't enjoy the monsters putting on animal hides since we already knew what they looked like, via poster art. What was the surprise suppose to be? "Oh nos! He just ripped off his dead animal skeleton to reveal the face on the poster! SHOCKING!" The ten minute stats of each character at the beginning of the film was also very uncalled for. Fantastic action though, quite a bit managed to go on from the ten minute mark until the end in such a small bar.
Posted by Christopher on December 25, 2006
One Missed Call 2
One Missed Call 2 It would not have been possible to include more screaming in this film. The bitches were shouting while they were crying, what the hell was that? Then the guys were screaming too! Nearing the end, Kyoko gets viciously dragged through all sorts of wet dirt, but when she hops up off the ground her hands are a little scuffed and her nails look like they just had a manicure. During that whole monstrosity, her boyfriend starts getting thrown into the air and up against a fence. When the hell did the ghost get those powers?! It's not even like the original was fantastic either, yet this couldn't even live up to that. But that's not it, oh no... there's a part three out now! Imagine how bad the American remake is going to be.
Posted by Christopher on December 24, 2006
Phone
Phone Fantastic ending. One of the few ghost flicks that had some thought put into it. Can't wait to see the American remake!
Posted by Christopher on November 29, 2006
Azumi
Azumi It took almost two years from when I typed this review for one person to watch it. That's sad on so many levels.
Posted by Christopher on November 26, 2006
The Eye 2
The Eye 2 Perhaps I've just seen too many foreign ghost films, but they all seem to have the same guy writing the story. Some broad can see dead folks. She freaks out, screams, cries, then tries to find out what's going on. Now here's some people floating around. Happy ending? Nope, dead folks still there. This film was no exception. Given I didn't dislike the film, but I didn't find anything spectacular about it. Perhaps I would have enjoyed it more if it showed more ghosts than it did pregnancies/babies.
Posted by Christopher on November 26, 2006
The Ghouls
The Ghouls Same fellow directed another film called Unspeakable. Which is a much better film as long as you ignore the ending. Not to say it's a weak ending, you just wouldn't appreciate it that much.
Posted by Christopher on October 26, 2006
The Booth
The Booth Ninety percent of this film revolved around a guy hearing creepy noises over the phone in a booth. Oh no, it's a rusty gate! Oh no, it's really a rooster! Oh no, it's really a swing set! Who cares what he's hearing!? Once he finally has his little fight with "his" broad, it looks like the movie is finally going to pick up the pace and begin to get interesting. But then it's back in the freaking booth! The title of the film fits the movie perfectly, which is certainly not a good thing. The more films Asia Extreme releases, the fewer good ones remain in their collection.
Posted by Christopher on October 26, 2006
Boy Eats Girl
Boy Eats Girl Easily the only film that stands up to Braindead in all aspects, no complaints from I.
Posted by Christopher on October 26, 2006
2001 Maniacs
2001 Maniacs It was all down hill after the horse decapitation. The acid bed was cool and all, but it wasn't like that girl was in the film but for two minutes and she already offs some dude. Watching Kruger act like a redneck for an hour and a half just didn't do it for me. The two thousand other hillbillies bathing in barrels and having ho-downs didn't help the situation any either. What was the deal with that kid with the slingshot? He sounded like a ten year old girl. Was it suppose to be a frightening character or what? All in all, it was watchable at best. I can go to work and see a bunch of redneck act like fools, I don't need to watch it at home.
Posted by Christopher on October 18, 2006
City Of Rott
City Of Rott Sudol took huge advantage of the film being an animation. You'll never see an old man fight off hordes of zombies with a walker in a live action zombie film. The way the worms would crawl after its host's killer instead of just dying was a very nice touch. A lot different than most zombie films, which was nice to see. Not every bullet fired was a head shot, zombies turned on one another, quite a few others too. The cover in general being a tribute to Army Of Darkness was very classy. Definitely shows Unearthed expanding in genre's and not just sticking to underground Japanese gore films.
Posted by Christopher on October 07, 2006
Maniac
Maniac Nearing the end of the film, there's a poster on his wall with a an upside down baby that's painted completely white. It says "Born Without A _____." The blank spot is written over its neck and I can't make out what it says for the life of me. Any chance you caught the poster and what it said?
Posted by Christopher on October 06, 2006
Revenge Of The Living Dead Girls
Revenge Of The Living Dead Girls "Zombies" kidnapped a woman, whilst stealing a car, fucked her, then stuck a sword up her cooch. Before that, they get to hide out in a pool and trick some dude to come outside, then drown his sorry ass! Come on, when will you ever see "zombies" do this madness again? Suppose I won't get into the ending, but such was also fantastic. Finding out what was really going on, then the nuking. It's wonderful to see a zombie film stray from "Shoot them in the head and they'll die! - AKA: Ninety percent of every zombie film ever made."
Posted by Christopher on October 03, 2006
Deer Woman
Deer Woman Some broad roams arounds turning into a deer and killing folks. That's nice, but why? Whatever, let's see what happens next. Okay, she can run fast, sure, she has some deer in her. Now she can leap over tall buildings, a bit too much there. Now she's imune to bullets, WHAT?! Cars crushing her into trees seem to have no effect either. Now she's picking up cars and winging them into folks, HUH?! She would have been more fit fighting villians while wearing a red and blue outfit with a cape and a gigantic D on her chest. Full Moon would have pulled this release off twenty times better than a horror series.
Posted by Christopher on September 27, 2006
The Stink Of Flesh
The Stink Of Flesh Every thing that had to do with the zombies was fantastic. Could have definitely done without the married couple and the wife's mutated sister. Not to mention the five minute nailing the door shut scene near the begining.
Posted by Christopher on February 08, 2006
New Guy
New Guy The first fifty minutes of the film was your dull horror movie. "Someone's trapped in a room with a maniac running around! Oh nos!" Then came out an ending that arose way too many questions. The comedy part of the film was not at all comedic. It seemed Bilge was trying a bit too hard.
Posted by Christopher on January 10, 2006
Bad Taste
Bad Taste How did he sell out, exactly? Because he went to Hollywood? The only films that were independently done were Bad Taste and Meet The Feebles. Everyone of his other seven or eight films have hit the theaters nationwide.
Posted by Christopher on January 08, 2006
The Last House On The Left
The Last House On The Left Had this been seen in the seventies by me, I still wouldn't have had a positive thing to say about it and would have certainly gave it a lower rating.
Posted by Christopher on January 05, 2006
Skinned Deep
Skinned Deep Typical horror plot, girl gets lost from her party and tortured by unusual folks, blah. But the violence makes up for it. The brother getting sliced in half makes the movie awesome, let alone all the other killings. The characters are also unique as heck, I love the brains (pun intended) of the family.
Posted by Christopher on December 26, 2005
They Came Back
They Came Back Best plot for a movie ever. So much could have been done with it, but it was too focused on the one couple. The ending(s) were filled with holes as well. Nice to keep the audience guessing, but it was just laziness on the filmmakers part.
Posted by Christopher on December 25, 2005
Dead Meat
Dead Meat Fangoria by far has the best selection of recent gore/horror films. Skinned Deep, One Hell Of A Christmas, Dead Meat, etc.. Rojo Sangre was the greatest horror film of 2004, hands down.
Posted by Christopher on March 22, 2005
Tainted
Tainted You'd have to ask someone that's attracted to females.
Posted by Christopher on March 11, 2005
Alice
Alice Thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw.
Posted by Christopher on February 11, 2005
Batman: Dead End
Batman: Dead End If he can't correctly click a link, I highly doubt he'll be able to navigate through a P2P program.
Posted by Christopher on February 06, 2005
Gayniggers From Outer Space
Gayniggers From Outer Space I found this movie on a sweet new invention called the internet. People can download movies, music, books and all sorts of things for free. Definitely something you should look into.
Posted by Christopher on February 05, 2005
Guinea Pig: Mermaid In The Manhole
Guinea Pig: Mermaid In The Manhole Good plan. That will make for one less downcast saying how worthless they are.
Posted by Christopher on February 02, 2005
Rawhead Rex
Rawhead Rex Not likely. More times than not, the only reason a movie gets an x-rating is for too much nudity. During that time frame (all through out the eighties), the movie censors looked at films like "Violence is alright. Swearing is alright. Nudity is alright, but nothing below the waste." For example, one of the females that gets murdered in the trailer park by Rex has her boobs flopping everywhere. That scene could have shown some bush and the censors would have thrown an x-rating on it.
Posted by Christopher on February 01, 2005
Rawhead Rex
Rawhead Rex The best part was when Rex killed Howard's boy, but then it wasn't even shown. The kid screams, cuts to the parents in the field with their daughter, back to the car with some blood here and there. One of the many disappointments through out the film.
Posted by Christopher on January 14, 2005
SalÚ: The 120 Days Of Sodom
SalÚ: The 120 Days Of Sodom Judging from your praised films, you'd do best to stay away from this one.
Posted by Christopher on January 14, 2005
Thirteen
Thirteen Yes, we're both two years old. And judging by your grammar, you aren't too far from that age yourself.
Posted by Christopher on August 27, 2004
King Of The Ants
King Of The Ants If he takes a piss, I want to know what fucking color it is.
Posted by Christopher on August 27, 2004
Thirteen
Thirteen Yes, I am cool for insulting someone over the internet, you must also be a bad ass considering you're doing the exact same thing.
Posted by Christopher on August 26, 2004
Thirteen
Thirteen Thanks for continuing to view my review and keeping it in the top twenty so more people can see how much of a gooback you are.
Posted by Christopher on August 24, 2004
Saved!
Saved! Thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw.
Posted by Christopher on August 23, 2004
Thirteen
Thirteen You thought T2 was the greatest movie ever made. Which makes your negative comments on anything worth nothing.
Posted by Christopher on August 23, 2004
SalÚ: The 120 Days Of Sodom
SalÚ: The 120 Days Of Sodom Any of the bootleg DVD's on eBay are worth purchasing.
Posted by Christopher on August 22, 2004
Children Of The Corn 666: Isaac's Return
Children Of The Corn 666: Isaac's Return A 1 OUT OF 10?! FIRST U RATE DA FIRST TWO BAD AND NOW DIS?!?!?! U MORON!!!!!111
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