|
Piranha
|
|
Just what I wanted to see in a twenty four million
dollar horror movie... an hours worth of tits with
some of them being porn stars. Certainly can't see
that anywhere else. Easily one of the worst
remakes ever.
|
|
Tales From The Crapper
|
|
MST3K ripped apart movies that actually tried to
be serious. This whole movie was a joke before
Troma even got to it.
|
|
Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead
|
|
If I was still a young teenager, I would have
found this entire movie wonderful in every way.
But since that age is long gone, the boob and poop
jokes just didn't do it for me. The songs were
easily the lowest point of the film. Which left
the last thirty minutes of the film to be
graphically incredible due to there only being one
song (the shortest one of the whole movie, no
less). Hopefully after Troma gets this released in
the states in 2010, Lloyd Kaufman will try his
luck on a non-musical film once again.
|
|
The Tripper
|
|
I was very disappointed in this film. The trailer
looked promising from all the murders that took
place, even though they cut away before you saw
anything. But I figured it was to save everything
for the movie itself. Boy, was I wrong. Every time
someone got killed, there would be a little
bloodshed before the cut scene. Or the person
dying would be a silhouette. The two attacks with
the chainsaw at the very beginning and the very
end were very sweet. I can't understand why they
didn't make the entire film like that. It turned
out to be your every day average horror film. Had
they set out to make an average horror film, my
view on everything would have been completely
different. But the whole movie was focused on the
gore aspect, the gore that was not there. Kids
running away from the masked murderer. Not to
mention the big suspense behind unmasking him. It
was like watching an R rated Scooby Doo epiosde.
Arquette needs to stick to sucking in someone
else's films, not making his own.
|
|
Long Weekend
|
|
I wasn't a large fan of Long Weekend and the fact
Hollywood is remaking it is just pathetic.
|
|
The Exorcist
|
|
Watching the uncut/remastered/new version of this
in the theaters totally killed what was left of
the film for me. When she'd walk down the stairs,
started spewing vomit or any of the other
"horrific" scenes, everyone in the theater would
laugh. Children to grandparents would be crying in
their seats with tears of the film's comedic
performances. It completely turned me off of the
film and seeing movies with any sort of crowd.
|
|
Crippled Creek
|
|
There was absolutely nothing good about this film.
I can get past horrible acting and ignore terrible
production. But this was just too much of too
little. An hours worth of five people getting
drunk, stoned and having sex. Then thirty minutes
of running. Then we come to find out it's going to
happen all over again with another group of folks.
These horror films just get worse and worse as it
becomes easier and easier for retards to make
movies.
|
|
Bloodletting
|
|
I knew McCrae looked familiar, I don't think many
others would appreciate his appearance though. The
movie itself was sweet, regardless. I can't
imagine how it hasn't been done in this style
before.
|
|
Re-Penetrator
|
|
Had Sakmann never left Troma, these fantastic
films of his may have never been made.
|
|
Cheerleader Autopsy
|
|
The only good thing about this film was the Faith
No More shirt one of the yokels was wearing at the
beginning.
|
|
The Hamiltons
|
|
Another fantastic addition to the terrible
collection of the After Dark series. Someone's
about to die? Best believe it's going to fade to
black and show absolutely no murders. Uh ohs,
these two brothers don't like each other either, I
hope they don't fight! It was like watching a
vampire version of Dawson's Creek. "We're not
little kids anymore! Mom and dad aren't here
anymore! You're not going to push us around
anymore! You clean this mess up while we go incest
it up!" -Sister and Brother. Then that "monster"
locked inside the box. I figured that was going to
be the highlight of the movie. Some crazy ass
mutant flesh eater. This family should have
changed their name to the Disappointments.
|
|
Sheitan
|
|
It seemed like the film makers thought to
themselves "This would be weird, let's throw this
in there." Mostly referring to the ol' swimming
hole scene when all the inbreds wanted to... I
don't even know. Regardless, it was effective,
even though it was very unnecessary. I definitely
agree with your horror film comment. They don't
all have to be filled with all sorts of action to
be shocking.
|
|
Feast
|
|
It would have been much better if it wasn't so
dark all the time. I also didn't enjoy the
monsters putting on animal hides since we already
knew what they looked like, via poster art. What
was the surprise suppose to be? "Oh nos! He just
ripped off his dead animal skeleton to reveal the
face on the poster! SHOCKING!" The ten minute
stats of each character at the beginning of the
film was also very uncalled for. Fantastic action
though, quite a bit managed to go on from the ten
minute mark until the end in such a small bar.
|
|
One Missed Call 2
|
|
It would not have been possible to include more
screaming in this film. The bitches were shouting
while they were crying, what the hell was that?
Then the guys were screaming too! Nearing the end,
Kyoko gets viciously dragged through all sorts of
wet dirt, but when she hops up off the ground her
hands are a little scuffed and her nails look like
they just had a manicure. During that whole
monstrosity, her boyfriend starts getting thrown
into the air and up against a fence. When the hell
did the ghost get those powers?! It's not even
like the original was fantastic either, yet this
couldn't even live up to that. But that's not it,
oh no... there's a part three out now! Imagine how
bad the American remake is going to be.
|
|
Phone
|
|
Fantastic ending. One of the few ghost flicks that
had some thought put into it. Can't wait to see
the American remake!
|
|
Azumi
|
|
It took almost two years from when I typed this
review for one person to watch it. That's sad on
so many levels.
|
|
The Eye 2
|
|
Perhaps I've just seen too many foreign ghost
films, but they all seem to have the same guy
writing the story. Some broad can see dead folks.
She freaks out, screams, cries, then tries to find
out what's going on. Now here's some people
floating around. Happy ending? Nope, dead folks
still there. This film was no exception. Given I
didn't dislike the film, but I didn't find
anything spectacular about it. Perhaps I would
have enjoyed it more if it showed more ghosts than
it did pregnancies/babies.
|
|
The Ghouls
|
|
Same fellow directed another film called
Unspeakable. Which is a much better film as long
as you ignore the ending. Not to say it's a weak
ending, you just wouldn't appreciate it that much.
|
|
The Booth
|
|
Ninety percent of this film revolved around a guy
hearing creepy noises over the phone in a booth.
Oh no, it's a rusty gate! Oh no, it's really a
rooster! Oh no, it's really a swing set! Who cares
what he's hearing!? Once he finally has his little
fight with "his" broad, it looks like the movie is
finally going to pick up the pace and begin to get
interesting. But then it's back in the freaking
booth! The title of the film fits the movie
perfectly, which is certainly not a good thing.
The more films Asia Extreme releases, the fewer
good ones remain in their collection.
|
|
Boy Eats Girl
|
|
Easily the only film that stands up to Braindead
in all aspects, no complaints from I.
|
|
2001 Maniacs
|
|
It was all down hill after the horse decapitation.
The acid bed was cool and all, but it wasn't like
that girl was in the film but for two minutes and
she already offs some dude. Watching Kruger act
like a redneck for an hour and a half just didn't
do it for me. The two thousand other hillbillies
bathing in barrels and having ho-downs didn't help
the situation any either. What was the deal with
that kid with the slingshot? He sounded like a ten
year old girl. Was it suppose to be a frightening
character or what? All in all, it was watchable at
best. I can go to work and see a bunch of redneck
act like fools, I don't need to watch it at home.
|
|
City Of Rott
|
|
Sudol took huge advantage of the film being an
animation. You'll never see an old man fight off
hordes of zombies with a walker in a live action
zombie film. The way the worms would crawl after
its host's killer instead of just dying was a very
nice touch. A lot different than most zombie
films, which was nice to see. Not every bullet
fired was a head shot, zombies turned on one
another, quite a few others too. The cover in
general being a tribute to Army Of Darkness was
very classy. Definitely shows Unearthed expanding
in genre's and not just sticking to underground
Japanese gore films.
|
|
Maniac
|
|
Nearing the end of the film, there's a poster on
his wall with a an upside down baby that's painted
completely white. It says "Born Without A _____."
The blank spot is written over its neck and I
can't make out what it says for the life of me.
Any chance you caught the poster and what it said?
|
|
Revenge Of The Living Dead Girls
|
|
"Zombies" kidnapped a woman, whilst stealing a
car, fucked her, then stuck a sword up her cooch.
Before that, they get to hide out in a pool and
trick some dude to come outside, then drown his
sorry ass! Come on, when will you ever see
"zombies" do this madness again? Suppose I won't
get into the ending, but such was also fantastic.
Finding out what was really going on, then the
nuking. It's wonderful to see a zombie film stray
from "Shoot them in the head and they'll die! -
AKA: Ninety percent of every zombie film ever
made."
|
|
Deer Woman
|
|
Some broad roams arounds turning into a deer and
killing folks. That's nice, but why? Whatever,
let's see what happens next. Okay, she can run
fast, sure, she has some deer in her. Now she can
leap over tall buildings, a bit too much there.
Now she's imune to bullets, WHAT?! Cars crushing
her into trees seem to have no effect either. Now
she's picking up cars and winging them into folks,
HUH?! She would have been more fit fighting
villians while wearing a red and blue outfit with
a cape and a gigantic D on her chest. Full Moon
would have pulled this release off twenty times
better than a horror series.
|
|
The Stink Of Flesh
|
|
Every thing that had to do with the zombies was
fantastic. Could have definitely done without the
married couple and the wife's mutated sister. Not
to mention the five minute nailing the door shut
scene near the begining.
|
|
New Guy
|
|
The first fifty minutes of the film was your dull
horror movie. "Someone's trapped in a room with a
maniac running around! Oh nos!" Then came out an
ending that arose way too many questions. The
comedy part of the film was not at all comedic. It
seemed Bilge was trying a bit too hard.
|
|
Bad Taste
|
|
How did he sell out, exactly? Because he went to
Hollywood? The only films that were independently
done were Bad Taste and Meet The Feebles. Everyone
of his other seven or eight films have hit the
theaters nationwide.
|
|
The Last House On The Left
|
|
Had this been seen in the seventies by me, I still
wouldn't have had a positive thing to say about it
and would have certainly gave it a lower rating.
|
|
Skinned Deep
|
|
Typical horror plot, girl gets lost from her party
and tortured by unusual folks, blah. But the
violence makes up for it. The brother getting
sliced in half makes the movie awesome, let alone
all the other killings. The characters are also
unique as heck, I love the brains (pun intended)
of the family.
|
|
They Came Back
|
|
Best plot for a movie ever. So much could have
been done with it, but it was too focused on the
one couple. The ending(s) were filled with holes
as well. Nice to keep the audience guessing, but
it was just laziness on the filmmakers part.
|
|
Dead Meat
|
|
Fangoria by far has the best selection of recent
gore/horror films. Skinned Deep, One Hell Of A
Christmas, Dead Meat, etc.. Rojo Sangre was the
greatest horror film of 2004, hands down.
|
|
Tainted
|
|
You'd have to ask someone that's attracted to
females.
|
|
Alice
|
|
Thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw.
|
|
Batman: Dead End
|
|
If he can't correctly click a link, I highly doubt
he'll be able to navigate through a P2P program.
|
|
Gayniggers From Outer Space
|
|
I found this movie on a sweet new invention called
the internet. People can download movies, music,
books and all sorts of things for free. Definitely
something you should look into.
|
|
Rawhead Rex
|
|
Not likely. More times than not, the only reason a
movie gets an x-rating is for too much nudity.
During that time frame (all through out the
eighties), the movie censors looked at films like
"Violence is alright. Swearing is alright. Nudity
is alright, but nothing below the waste." For
example, one of the females that gets murdered in
the trailer park by Rex has her boobs flopping
everywhere. That scene could have shown some bush
and the censors would have thrown an x-rating on
it.
|
|
Rawhead Rex
|
|
|
The best part was when Rex killed Howard's boy,
but then it wasn't even shown. The kid screams,
cuts to the parents in the field with their
daughter, back to the car with some blood here and
there. One of the many disappointments through out
the film.
|
|
Thirteen
|
|
Yes, we're both two years old. And judging by your
grammar, you aren't too far from that age
yourself.
|
|
Thirteen
|
|
|
Yes, I am cool for insulting someone over the
internet, you must also be a bad ass considering
you're doing the exact same thing.
|
|
Thirteen
|
|
|
Thanks for continuing to view my review and
keeping it in the top twenty so more people can
see how much of a gooback you are.
|
|
Saved!
|
|
Thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw.
|
|
Thirteen
|
|
|
You thought T2 was the greatest movie ever made.
Which makes your negative comments on anything
worth nothing.
|
|
