Bordello Of Blood (1996)

DVD Cover (Universal)
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Overall Rating 54%
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Ranked #3,276
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Connections: Tales From The Crypt

The old bag of bones 'Cryptkeeper' returns for his second full length feature flick about a funeral home that's a front for a whorehouse run by vampires. --IMDb
Review by Chad
Added: October 18, 2007
Bordello of Blood, the second of at least five planned movies from the Tales from the Crypt film series, has taken a lot of heat over the years. Some people bitch about the lack of actual horror from it while others gripe about the (admittedly) overly-simple and clichéd storyline, but personally, I enjoyed it to a certain extent. Now, I'm not saying that it's better than the first Tales movie (Demon Knight) and I'm not saying that it's a flawless film, but judging it based on its own merits, it's really not as bad as some would have you believe.

After the obligatory introduction sequence with the Cryptkeeper and his mummy friend (a nice cameo by William Sadler, star of the aforementioned Demon Knight), we kick things off with Caleb (the one and only Corey Feldman) setting out for a nice evening at the local bar with his loser friends. There, the group encounters a lunatic biker fellow who tells them about a new whorehouse in town, and faster than you can say "washed-up child actor", our heroes set out for a night of debauchery. What they find is that the whorehouse is actually a front for a coven of female vampires led by Lillith (Angie Everhart), and they also discover that they weren't the only ones fooled into "feeding" the vampires by the promises of carnal sex.

This leads us to Caleb's sister Katherine (Erika Eleniak), a young lady who works with the friendly religious zealot (Chris Sarandon) for a local Christian television station. She's worried about the fact that her brother hasn't returned home from his night out on the town, and even though he's a sinner of the worst kind, she still wants to find out what happened to him and who was responsible. She eventually teams up with private investigator Rafe (Dennis Miller), and from there, the two attempt to crack the case and then put an end to the vampires once and for all.

Yes, it's a simple storyline, yes, it'd been done before, and yes, it's very predictable; I think it's safe to say that everyone will see the final "twist" coming a mile away, and shame on you if you didn't. However, that's not the strength of the film, and it's made abundantly clear from the start that this aspect of the film was never the main focus to begin with. What the filmmakers did here was take a classic storyline and do it in such a fun way that viewers can't help but find themselves sucked into the events of the film even though they've probably seen this exact same plot played out in countless other films. Seriously, how many times do you get to see Dennis Miller and a preacher wipe out an entire coven of naked hookers with Super Soakers filled with holy water - set to Ballroom Blitz by glam rockers Sweet?

I wouldn't go so far as to label this an honest-to-goodness horror comedy, but I will say that it did have more than a couple of jokes sprinkled throughout the running time (the "No thanks, I'm not in the mood for a blowjob" line cracks me up every time). With Dennis Miller in the leading role, I think that it goes without saying that there's some great comedic material here delivered by one of the greats, but with that said, I don't think that Miller was appropriate for this sort of role. Yes, he's funny, and yes, he steals a couple of scenes, but the problem is that you never really get the impression that he's playing a character; instead, it simply feels like you're watching Dennis Miller battle vampires, and that does heavily detract from some of the scenes. Leading ladies Angie Everhart and Erika Eleniak are both acceptable in their roles: neither wins any points for brilliant performances, but neither loses points for horrible ones either.

Overall, it's a fun film if not a highly memorable one. There's some great gore sequences, some truly funny moments, and of course, more boobies than you can shake a stick at, but I can't help but think that most viewers will be left thinking "that's it?" when the credits start to roll. A stronger storyline could have helped this and a better leading man would have been great, but as is, we're left with a film that is fun and has some great scenes but is otherwise just sort of there. 5.5/10.
Edd #1: Edd - added 10/18/2007, 09:05 PM
Dennis Miller. Greatest actor of the last 30 years, or greatest actor of all time? The debate still rages on. 10/10
Tristan #2: Tristan - added 10/19/2007, 01:22 AM
10/10? I'd say that's a bit much. Good movie, but not as good as the rest of the TFTC films. 7/10
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