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The Third Society (2002)

DVD Cover (Warrior Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 59%
Overall Rating
Ranked #12,959
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After witnessing her parents (who were also federal agents) being murdered by drug kingpin Dragon, Alexandra Jones is hidden away in the jungles of Thailand by the U.S. government. Growing up there, she learns the art of Muay Thai kickboxing before returning to America and joining the LAPD. Still burning for revenge, she vows to hunt down Dragon and put his drug smuggling operation out of business for good. --IMDb
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Review by Ginose
Added: December 20, 2009
Weren't the 90s a great time for action movies? I think so. Perhaps not as groundbreaking or superb as their 80s counterparts, but every bit as fun with a charm all their own, carrying on the same type of campy, over-the-top action and ridiculous plots as their predecessors and adding that zest of "do anything" bullshit stunts and action. Together, it made the wonderful world of "straight-to-video" cinema heavy with ridiculously obtuse sequels and a thousand and one "no budget but we got guns, hur-dur" stunt-fest with no real value other than a good round of make-shift MST3K with your drunken friends during an otherwise long night of nothing.

It's sometimes a damned good thing that nearly none of these ones made any impact on anything and were forgotten almost as abruptly as they appeared, otherwise we'd be seeing plenty of these atrocities making their way into the turn of the century via an embarrassing number of sequels or otherwise... well, have you ever wondered what would have happened if some people had found these bores so appealing that they decided this new age of effect heavy film should be struck with the same curse? Well, director/writer/actor J.A. Steel apparently thought that this would be a fun experiment, and decided to give us a glimpse of this horrifying alternate reality with her... eh... action film "The Third Society".

At the tender age of eight, a young girl witnesses the death of her mother at the end of a gun held by triad boss Dragon, and was abruptly pushed into the witness protection program with her younger sister. Twenty-five years later, the orphaned elder sister, now named Cassandra Alexandra Jones, is a cop for the LAPD and, after a recent heroin-bust (told through a HORRIBLE montage of poorly choreographed fist fights, awful dialogue and pathetically sorry shoot-outs) is partially responsible for her younger sister's kidnapping by the same drug-lord that caused them so much pain in the past. After trying, and failing, to stop the criminals at the air-strip where her sister was removed, she is introduced to a random FBI agent and a bit of flak from the captain, she accepts an offer for pizza and beer that evening, completely unphased by her sister's kidnapping and-you know what? Fuck it. There is so much obtuse, pointless and random bullshit happening in this flick to keep up with... That's the gist of it, anyway...

I'd almost be ready to say that this was TRYING to parody those useless and pointless films that came out a dime a dozen in the 90s, but I know I'd be lying. The dialogue is just as bad, the acting takes the same pointers, the pointless plot elements, ad-libbed conversations and ridiculous effects all packaged in a film made six years too late... fuck damn, this is INDEFINITELY a film that went in with no ideas and tried to fill it in as it went in order to make a feature-length movie. Were this a short, 25-minute action/parody it would have been hysterical. But it's not. It is a film that takes itself rather seriously up until it knows it can't any longer and tries to plaster jokes about either the characters, action or just the overall narrative of it all... and with disastrous results there as well.

With director J.A. Steel filling the roll of Jones, she clearly wanted to make the most out of her body work, and it ended up being more about the rather well-done cinematography, almost as if someone with some film knowledge directed large portions of the movie, then read the script, and then made Steel do the rest of it. It's THAT uneven. She even goes about showing off as much of her body as possible at any given scene and, not that I don't appreciate a fine specimen of a woman showing herself off, I can't give the points there either as it feels like the nudity and, ahem, humor are just filler to, once again, stretch the movie's length out to feature for, I guess, review by the MPAA... for whatever reason.

This brings me to another point: This movie has a budget. A low budget, yes, but nothing Seaver-ian, as I would expect to back a film with a premise like this, but one enough to make the effects look, well, passable and to hire quite a few actors who at least look like they're trying to do something with what they are given here. That goes over pretty good, as well, and I enjoyed that, but nowhere NEAR enough that it will force me to understand this one's very existence. I won't. I won't even attempt to justify it as a low-budget film that tried its very best.

It's not.

It didn't.

I'm not sure if any of Madame Steel's other films are as good as her body, but I doubt it, after this one. This should have been a DAMNED easy movie to make, but it takes too many turns for a film of such a turn-less genre and features so many cameos by (what are sure to be) friends of the director that contribute nothing to the movie.

It's a bad movie.

2.1/10.
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