The Blob (1988)

DVD Cover (Sony Home Entertainment)
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Ranked #2,220
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Connections: The Blob

Remake of the 1958 horror sci-fi about a deadly blob which is the spawn of a secret government germ warfare project which consumes everyone in its path. Teenagers try in vain to warn the townsfolk, who refuse to take them seriously, while government agents try to cover up the evidence and confine the creature. --TMDb
Review by Crispy
Added: June 12, 2010
In my review for the original Blob, I said that the 50s have a charm that the 80s doesn't have a clue about, and after watching this remake, that point has been pounded home quite succinctly. The thought process seems to be, "hey, let's take this movie and make it grittier, and really really 80s." The results were so bad it was almost offensive.

It's seemingly a normal night in the small town of Arborville. High school football player, Paul Taylor, has scored a date with cheerleader, Meg Penny; but as the night progresses, we'll see that it's anything but normal. In the nearby woods, a meteorite has crashed into the ground, which a hermit has stumbled upon. After it breaks open, he pokes the ooze inside with a stick, which promptly grabs onto his arm. Since this blob is highly acidic, the man is none too happy to find it's not letting go, and runs off in search of help. Along the way he runs past the local punk, Brian Flagg, who follows after the man as he runs into the road and is hit by Paul and Meg. The three get the man to the hospital, where they find the blob has gotten bigger. As Paul and Meg try and fill out the paperwork, Brian jets, and Paul decides to check on the man struggling in the back. He's disappeared, and suddenly the blob drops off the ceiling and Meg discovers him covered in the stuff, melting away. She grabs his wrist and tries to pull him to safety, but all she manages to do is rip his arm right off; the sudden release causing her to vault backwards into the door jam, knocking herself out. Obviously, no one believes her fantastic story, and knowing what she's up against, she hunts down Brian to try and stop it, but it turns out word has already gotten out, and the feds have shown up to deal with the situation. Or have they?

The Blob '88 misses the point completely. It doesn't understand what made the first movie so awesome. It doesn't understand that less is more. It doesn't understand that it sucks. By the end of the movie, I had a permanent impression in my skull from all the facepalms. You facepalm when the guys in hazmat suits show up. You facepalm even harder when the movie explains the monster's origin. Then even harder than that when the climax not just ignores the laws of physics, it blatantly shits all of them and presents a scenario where a five year old would simply shake his head and yell, "You're doing it wrong!" And just before the credits roll, it adds one final facepalm moment, setting up a sequel that thankfully never materialized.

Plus, they completely retooled the creature itself. Instead of looking like the shapeless red mass it was originally, it now looks like a big pile of pink, chewed up bubble gum. While this definitely looked inferior to the original, as it looked absolutely retarded, what really killed this design for me was the blob's penchant of using tentacles. The sheer shapelessness of the original monster gave the impression of a personality-less thing. A being that's not thinking, might not even technically be considered alive; it's just eating everything it comes into contact with. Almost like a virus that has taken a tangible form. The tentacle aspect infers a brain with this new blob; in turn making it less of a thing and more of a creature. By default, I find this to be ten times less scary. Our film makers tried to compensate this by emphasizing its acidity and providing plenty of shots of semi-"digested" corpses. I'll grant them it was nice touches, but this was just a band aid on a wound that needed numerous stitches.

This movie was absolutely pointless in every sense of the word. There are plenty of people who will tell you that this was a good movie; that it's better than the original. They're wrong. It may be a bit gorier, but it doesn't come close to McQueen and his killer silicon. 2/10.
Nirrad #1: Nirrad - added 06/12/2010, 07:49 PM
Fuck that! This movie was awesome! 8/10
Lucid Dreams #2: Lucid Dreams - added 06/13/2010, 01:16 AM
I'll agree with both of you. 6/10
Tristan #3: Tristan - added 06/13/2010, 04:11 PM
2/10? Good gravy.

I felt this was a pretty legit remake, and Shawnee Smith eating shit on the side of the firetruck was golden.

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