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Immortals (2011)

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Overall Rating 60%
Overall Rating
Ranked #1,078
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Eons after the Gods won their mythic struggle against the Titans, a new evil threatens the land. Mad with power, King Hyperion has declared war against humanity. Amassing a bloodthirsty army of soldiers disfigured by his own hand, Hyperion has scorched Greece in search of the legendary Epirus Bow, a weapon of unimaginable power forged in the heavens by Ares. Only he who possesses this bow can unleash the Titans, who have been imprisoned deep within the walls of Mount Tartaros since the dawn of time and thirst for revenge. In the King's hands, the bow would rain destruction upon mankind and annihilate the Gods. But ancient law dictates the Gods must not intervene in man's conflict. They remain powerless to stop Hyperion, until a peasant named Theseus comes forth as their only hope. Secretly chosen by Zeus, Theseus must save his people from Hyperion and his hordes. Rallying a band of fellow outsiders, including visionary Priestess Phaedra and cunning slave Stavros, one hero will lead the uprising, or watch his homeland fall into ruin and his Gods vanish into legend. --IMDb
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Review by bluemeanie
Added: November 16, 2011
Sometimes it's hard 'not' to blame the director.

Such is the case with "Immortals", one of the most disappointing and poorly directed spectacles I have seen in quite some time; a complete mess of a film that falls squarely on the shoulders of visionary filmmaker Tarsem. After he made the universally praised "The Fall", the studios have decided to pretty much let him do his own thing; so I know that this film is not the result of studio pressure - it's the film Tarsem wanted to make. And that's too bad because he has gone for the kind of excess that just grades on the sensibilities. I felt the same way watching "Immortals" that I did when I first saw "300". Disliked both films for the same reasons. "300" was better.

You've got King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) who is slowly conquering Greece and looking for a magical bow that can help him release the Titans, buried by the gods beneath Mount Tartarus. Then you've got the peasant Theseus (Henry Cavill) who has been touched by the gods and ends up with the psychic virgin played by Freida Pinto on a journey to avenge the death of his mother (don't call her a whore). Somewhere along the way these journeys kind of merge into one journey. How? Why? Those questions are never really answered, which all basically sums up the rest of this film - confusion upon confusion and contradiction upon contradiction. Never have I see a film evade logic at every turn, bordering sometimes on the laughable - the 'non-intentional' laughable.

The problem here is excess. Tarsem has concerned himself so deeply with the visuals that (a) the story and the character development suffer to the point of being non-existent; and (b) he has lost his ability to be objective with those same visuals. Too many times we see scenes set before a CGI-backdrop with a cheesy looking set. Most of the sets here look really bad, overly-stylized and simplistic to a fault. And when he does throw something massive at you, he 'really' throws it at you. It's either all or nothing with Tarsem. And, while some of the visuals in this film are striking, beautiful and unforgettable, most are just overkill and non-impressive. All it does is show that he hires very good art directors, production and costume designers and cinematographers.

No needs to mention much about the performances since the actors here do very little with them. Sure, they are under-written, but Henry Cavill and Freida Pinto are bland in this film, have next to zero chemistry and were basically just hired to look pretty, which they pull off in Tarsem's modeling agency of a cast. You've got all of these sculpted, pretty people doing battle with Mickey Rourke, who is at his roughest looking, intentionally so. Only Rourke seems to be really having fun with this role and only he seems to know what kind of film he's in. And what kind of film is he in, you might ask? Schlock. That is what kind. Pure, unadulterated schlock.

And this is the worst kind because it comes from a filmmaker whom I know is capable of better work. This was the project that Tarsem got to attached to and stopped being objective. Half-way through the film I found myself anxious for the movie to end so I could check my e-mail. When that happens - you know you're in trouble. I sat there wondering why in the hell this film was in 3-D. I found myself wondering why; simply - why. "Immortals" is the worst film of 2011 and one of the worst films I have seen in the past decade. Stupid, stupid movie. 0/10.
Crispy #1: Crispy - added July 20, 2012 at 8:15am
Fights were too entertaining to warrant that zero, but the sea of incoherence said fights were adrift prevented it from being too much higher.
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