2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

DVD Cover (The Asylum Home Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 25%
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Ranked #4,307
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Genres / Traits: Horror Natural Horror Sharks

Connections: 2-Headed Shark Attack

A Semester at Sea ship is attacked and sunk by a mutated two-headed shark, and the survivors seek refuge on a deserted atoll. The coeds, however, are no longer safe when the atoll starts flooding. --TMDb
Review by Crispy
Added: April 24, 2012
So. 2 Headed Shark Attack. It's a movie that caters to the lowest common denominator. Shit story, shit acting, it's basically hoping to get by on a poorly-rendered monster and a castful of bikinis. Fortunately, that's all I wanted from it.

Two women are wake-boarding, pulling flips, when out of nowhere, a monstrous shark with two heads catches up from behind and devours them. Our appetites now whetted, we catch up with Professor Frank Babbish's (Charlie O'Connell) semester at sea course. Along with his wife, Anne (Carmen Electra), and Frank's co-captain, Laura (Morgan Thompson), the class consists of twenty students. Among them is roidhead Cole (Geoff Ward), know-it-all Paul (David Gellegos) and Kate (Brooke Hogan), a tomboy who took the semester as a means to overcome her hydrophobia, brought on by a childhood shark encounter. Speaking of sharks, their vessel just slammed into a huge one, and it's trapped on the front. While Frank is trying to dislodge it, our two-headed buddy shows up for the free meal, and its involvement forces its dinner into the boat's propeller. Now stranded at sea, the students notice a nearby atoll and head ashore to search for some scrap parts to repair their boat, and with twenty-three morsels wandering about, that mutant shark readies itself for a smorgasbord.

The biggest thing sharkophiles always rave about is how simple of a creature sharks are. Our filmmakers took this concept and ran with it. It's just a really big shark that happens to have two heads. Even its origin was simple enough: two-headed animals are known to exist (essentially a form of conjoined twin), this one just happened to survive to adulthood. That's all I need. Who cares where it came from, we just want to watch it eat some hoochies. On a technical level, it runs that perfect mid-line for these flicks: very obviously CGI, but more than passable for this kind of movie. The attacks were something of a mixed bag. When they took the time to animate the victim actually getting torn apart, I was loving it. Again, it looked fake, but the bar's low with these. However, there were a few scenes of the shark just chomping nothing as the water is slowly tinted red. Yes, the bar's low, but this approach certainly doesn't cut the mustard.

What does Brooke Hogan have in common with her father? Neither one can act worth a damn. But that's alright, because she has one hell of a bikini body. Probably shouldn't have kept the camera zoomed onto her face so much, but that's not her fault. Carmen Electra fares slightly better, but again, her aesthetic contributions in a bikini far outweigh anything else. As I'm sure you've guessed from the title alone, this essentially describes everyone in the whole movie. Literally everyone.

It's amazing how often people screw up these stupid monster movies. Just give us a halfway decently rendered shark, let it eat some scantily-clad bimbos, don't let too much story ruin the story and you've a monster classic on your hands. 2 Headed Shark Attack shows that even with a completely uncharismatic cast, this simple formula is all it takes to offer an entertaining ninety minutes.7/10
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