Blown (2005)

DVD Cover (Sub Rosa Studios)
David C. Hayes David C. Hayes
Bill Koning Bill Koning
Kevin Moyers Kevin Moyers
David Sabal David Sabal
Carina Lira Carina Lira
Jeff Dolniak Jeff Dolniak
Kevin Moyers Kevin Moyers
Corey Busboom Corey Busboom
Dan Erbach Dan Erbach

4.2 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Genres / Traits: Gross-Out Comedy, Horror, Horror Comedy, Supernatural Horror, Toys
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Review by Chad
Added: August 16, 2007
It'd be easy for me to crack a lot of cheap jokes about a film entitled Blown. I could start this review out with something along the lines of "Hey, I got blown today!", or I could simply use the time-tested "Jesus, this movie sucked" remark and be done with it, but I think that I'll take the high road today. Yes, with a title like that, Blown sets itself up for a lot of jokes at its own expense, and truthfully, it deserves most of it.

Our story begins with a group of young adults having a wild party complete with drunken yelling and loud music in celebration of the fact that one of them has proposed to his girlfriend. This ruckus doesn't sit too well with their neighbor (Toni Zobel), a woman who calls the cops with numerous complaints about the noise. When the cops tell her to "take care of it herself", she takes them literally and places a death curse on the whole lot of these noisy kids. This curse just so happens to involve her giving her own life in order to gain revenge on them for keeping her up at night, and since she had to give her own life, something is going to have to actually carry out the revenge part of the deal.

This brings us to the blow-up doll that our noisy friends just so happened to have lying around in anticipation of the bachelor party (why they'd need a plastic sex toy to enjoy a stripper is a damned fine question, but hey - I've never had a bachelor party, so what do I know). Anyway, to make a long story short, these fine young lads eventually have themselves a bachelor party complete with a big-breasted stripper who can do some amazing tricks with a three-foot dildo, and in the process (of the bachelor party, not the dildo tricks), the former neighbor possesses the blow-up doll and knocks everybody off one by one. How does a four-holed (yes, four) blow-up doll manage to murder just about everyone attending this party? I won't spoil it, but I will say that at least one of the murders involves the aforementioned dildo. Attending the party is actors David C. Hayes (who you may remember from Back Woods), Anthony Tempesta, Corey Busboom, and Jeff Dolniak.

Now, I should point out that this is not a "true" horror film; I think that goes without saying, but you'd be surprised at some of the negative reviews floating around out there in which the reviewers griped about that sort of thing. What it is, though, is a bad film - nay, a horrible film. The acting is atrocious (there's even a few recaps complete with on screen graphics pointing this out), the effects are laughable (the blow-up doll is brought to life by someone standing behind it and shaking it for the camera), the gore is limited to a little bit of the red stuff splashed around, and the nudity comes to us courtesy of a stripper who... well, I don't think that she was just playing the role of a stripper, if you catch my drift. The camera-work is amateurish at best, the budget is minuscule (some scenes were never shot due to this fact and certain events had to be described by a narrator), and overall, this hour-long film is one of the finest examples of what happens when a bunch of drunken guys decide to grab a camera and make a movie.

But with all that said, I have to admit that I laughed like a fool throughout the entire running time, and in fact, I'm going to have to give this a recommendation to those of you who read that plot synopsis and thought that it sounded promising. Yes, if a storyline promising a killer blow-up doll didn't cause you to immediately exit this page and never come back, you're probably within the target audience for this film, and if this style of crude comedy is something that you enjoy, you'll probably get the same amount of laughs out of it as I did.

Coming across as something that Troma would have put out (but with half the budget), Blown will appeal to those of you who enjoy ad-libbed humor from guys who think that a gratuitous shower / sex scene involving an obese man and a plastic sex toy is hilarity at its finest. Folks, this isn't Steve Martin, but just try not to laugh when you see that blow-up doll "walk" down a hall and act menacing or listen to the bouncer describe to our heroes what will happen to them if they do anything more than ogle the stripper's ass, boobies, and vagina.

It's certainly not for everyone, but if any of the things that I've mentioned in this review have piqued your curiosity, give it a shot - you probably won't regret it. If you're on the fence about checking it out, just take the plunge and do it. After all, if the mere thought of watching a movie featuring a blow-up doll as the killer hasn't caused you to make up your mind about the film already, you're already halfway into the target audience. 8/10.
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Chad #1: Chad - added 08/16/2007, 08:17 PM
I didn't really want to squeeze this into the review since it isn't actually part of the movie, but stick around after the credits to see David Hayes giving a tutorial on how to set up eBay and PayPal accounts and how to get into the lucrative business of selling junk online. This video how-to guide is done in a completely serious fashion (complete with us getting to watch him go through the processes) with no jokes or humor throughout the thirty minutes that it runs for, and I have to admit that it was.... interesting, to say the least.
Tristan #2: Tristan - added 08/16/2007, 10:49 PM
What a fucking great cover. I'm going to have to look into this movie, as the review peaked my interest.
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