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45%
Overall Rating
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Ranked #6,777
...out of 20,875 movies
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Something or someone is attacking people one by one on the beach. Some of them are mutilated, but most of them are sucked into the sand, disappearing without a trace. What is the creature responsible? Where does it live, and where did it come from? And is there any chance of it reproducing? Meanwhile, David Huffman and Mariana Hill are once-almost-married old friends, reunited over the death of her mother on the beach, and searching for clues in the abandoned buildings where they used to play when they were young.
--IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: October 25, 2007
The eighties was a great time for horror, as I've said many times before. Anyone with a camcorder and a couple of friends could make their own horror film, and things like budget and creativity were strictly optional. No money for real effects, you say? Ketchup will suffice, because the camcorder will probably be so shitty that the home viewer won't be able to tell anyway. No original ideas for a script? No problem - just copy whatever film is currently playing at your local theater. Actually, a lot of that also applies to today's independent scene, but the key difference is the video boom that was taking place during the eighties; video rental stores couldn't get enough movies on their shelves thanks to the relatively new format coupled with the recent price reductions on the media, and that led to just about anyone and everyone with a shitty movie under their belt getting damned good distribution deals. Some of those films were great and lucked out with the way times were; after all, a film like Evil Dead would be lucky to get a proper DVD release if it was made today, but back then, it had a great theatrical run and everything. However, the flip-side is also true: a lot of those films downright sucked. Guess which one of those categories Blood Beach falls under?
The storyline for this one could best be summed up as Tremors meets Jaws, only, without any of the things that made those two the classics that they are. A California beach is the setting, and leading man Harry Caulder (David Huffman) is attempting to find out what happened to his little old lady friend who mysteriously disappeared from the beach. His motives for this concern will soon be made clear, as we find out that he has the hots for Catherine Hutton (Marianna Hill), the daughter of the now-deceased. The cops eventually step in as more and more people die on this stretch of land that will soon be affectionately known as Blood Beach to the locals, and... well, that's really about it until we see what I like to call the penis-monster during the final moments of the film. John Saxon and Burt Young make appearances on the cop side of things, and we have ourselves a film.
To accurately show you readers what went wrong with this film, I'm simply going to go through the running time and point out each of the failures as they occur. I realize that this isn't exactly a professional way of writing a review, but you know what? This is a turd of a film, so an exception can be made.
Opening scene (5 minutes): A woman is sucked into the sand by an unseen monster. This effect is accomplished by showing her standing on the beach, cutting away, cutting back to her as we see that she's been buried up to her knees, cutting away, cutting back to her and seeing that she's now buried up to her waist, cutting away, and continuing like this until she's "gone." I could live with that if the film had something else going for it, but... well, keep reading.
Middle scenes (76 minutes): David Huffman and Marianna Hill make googly-eyes at one another and skirt around the eventual love interest angle that we all know is coming. More people die in the exact same way that the lady in the opening scene did. Nobody wants to investigate it because it would cause panic on the beaches, which would result in lost money for the town. David Huffman and Marianna Hill continue to make googly-eyes at one another and finally hook up. Burt Young and John Saxon deliver some great lines here and there.
End scenes (10 minutes): Our new couple suddenly remember that they used to play together in an abandoned basement near the beach as children, so naturally, that's where the monster is hiding. The cops find it, the beast reveals itself as looking like a cross between a head of cabbage and a giant gray penis (that is not a good thing), the cops blow it up in what had to have been the most lackluster explosion in the history of horror, and that's it.
The problem with the film is simple, if the above didn't give it away: the meat of the movie is extremely padded out and really offers us nothing more than a few lines from the Hollywood veterans (Saxon and Young). The stars of the movie are completely atrocious in their roles, the monster isn't even seen until the final scene of the film, there's nothing in the way of gore or even tension, and basically, the film is nothing more than an excuse to show these two making googly-eyes at one another.
It saddens me that some of the horror classics from the eighties still haven't received a legit DVD release, but in the case of Blood Beach, I can totally see why no distributor wants to touch it even with the decent name recognition found within. 1/10, and that's only for John Saxon and Burt Young doing the best that they could with the material.
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#1:
bluemeanie
- added October 25, 2007 at 4:30pm
Yeah. This is a bad one. I remember seeing this
a while back and just hating it. I had to keep
watching it though because of the ridiculous
nature of the plot. I loved the pitch perfect
description of the opening scene. Nothing
dazzling at all. Very workmanlike. 1/10.
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