Vampire Strangler (1999)

DVD Cover (Factory 2000)
Genres: Hardcore Sex Film, Horror, Vampire Film
Lydia, a pretty Romanian woman, arrives in the US and moves in with her cousin Billy. Billy is instantly attracted to her, and it's not long before the two of them are going at it hot and heavy. However, a mysterious shaman suddenly appears and casts a spell on Billy, turning him into a vampire. He focuses his lust for blood and sex on Lydia who, as it turns out, doesn't seem to be all that averse to the idea. --IMDb
William Hellfire William Hellfire
Erin Brown Erin Brown
William Hellfire William Hellfire
Joey Smack Joey Smack
Benny The Stain Benny The Stain
Lilly Tiger Lilly Tiger

3.5 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Review by Chad
Added: February 25, 2008
Oh, how I wish I could give this movie a high rating. Vampire Strangler, for those not in the know, is the only film to date that features Misty Mundae - one of my favorite actresses - engaged in hardcore action. Yes, the rumors are true: short of actual penetration, our favorite b-movie starlet engages in all of the sexual deviancy one would expect from a full-fledged porno flick, and unlike her other films, it's not simulated here. Sure, there's a silly little plot thrown into the mix in a valiant effort to make it a "legit" film, but for all intents and purposes, this movie is nothing more than a sex tape between a short-haired, nineteen-year-old Mundae and the guy who was her boyfriend at the time. So, what went wrong? Boy, what went wrong...

As mentioned, there's really not much in the way of a plot, and what is there is so convoluted that it's damned near impossible to make sense of. We begin with Lydia (Misty Mundae) taking a nice, hot bath, when a vampire enters the bathroom and strangles her to death. But wait, she's not really dead... it was all a dream! Yes, she then proceeds to wake up, safe and snug in her own bed, and then, the same vampire enters the room and once again strangles her to death. But wait, she's not really dead... it was all a dream!

She once again wakes up, and this time, she calls her cousin Billy (William Hellfire) in America and informs him that she'll be paying him a visit. She travels to New York from Transylvania (where else?), and once she's arrived, the duo decides to go roller skating before having some good ol' sex. This leads to a man brandishing a mean looking tiki torch showing up outside their house mumbling some sort of curse which will eventually transform Billy into a vampire, and at this point, Billy decides to have his way with his cousin one last time before biting her on the neck. Roll credits.

Back when Pamela Anderson's sex tape came out, I searched the various porn sites in a desperate attempt to get my hands on... well, to see it for myself. This was back when Anderson was the hottest thing going, mind you, and it was also back when celebrity sex tapes being leaked to the public was almost unheard of. When I finally found it, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning - it's that hot Baywatch chick and the Mötley Crüe drummer going at it! Holy shit! Alright, so I was a horny teenager at the time, but any straight male who says otherwise about their first experience with one of these tapes is a goddamned liar. I sort of felt the same way when I popped in Vampire Strangler, but after sitting through the first five minutes or so, I started feeling as though Santa took a huge shit down my chimney. Folks, you do get what you came to see out of this package, but it's simply not worth it.

Keep in mind that this movie was shot during Misty's Factory 2000 days, so those of you who are used to her slick Seduction Cinema releases are in for a rude awakening. The film is of home movie quality and the audio isn't much better, and truth be told, I've seen actual home movies that look better than this. There were times when I felt like I was watching a compressed YouTube video that some kid shot with their cell phone, and there are large chunks of dialogue that are simply impossible to make out thanks to the ambient noise and the muffled nature of the audio. Combine this with some atrocious editing that leaves you wondering if the disc decided to skip back and forth between chapters or if the filmmakers were going for an arthouse flick, and you've got yourself one hell of a stinker.

Of course, none of this will deter the hardcore Misty Mundae fans who simply want to see her "get it on" in a non-simulated fashion. It's true that you do get this: we see her involved in some fingering action, oral sex (both giving and receiving), and a sex scene which may or may not be legit. Unfortunately, all of this is found in the deleted scenes section of the disc as none of the hardcore stuff made it to the actual film. However, the atrocious film that houses said scenes forces me to avoid giving it a recommendation... and this is coming from one of the aforementioned hardcore Mundae fans. 2/10.

Note: The above review applies to the "Ultra-Naughty Edition" of the DVD. The sex scenes are edited back into the movie for the recent 2-disc special edition, and both the picture and the audio seem to be a little clearer. It's still not a flawless film in that regard, but it is much easier to watch. I still wasn't a huge fan of the film, but this "restored" version bumps my final rating up to a 4/10.
Crispy #1: Crispy - added 02/20/2008, 01:46 AM
I see Misty wasn't a fan of the razer in her teenage years. Yeesh
Tristan #2: Tristan - added 02/20/2008, 05:59 PM
That like razor?
And you obviously haven't seen any of her movies made in the last 10 years or so.
Crispy #3: Crispy - added 02/20/2008, 06:05 PM
A razer is like a razor, except a bit smaller. And the only Misty movie I've ever seen is actually not on here. Playmate of the Apes.
Tristan #4: Tristan - added 02/28/2008, 12:21 PM
I'm with Chad on this one. This was an extremely disappointing film. I'm still glad to have it on my shelf, but as far as entertainment value goes, I'm going with a 3/10.
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