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Epic Movie (2007)

DVD Cover (Twentieth Century Fox Unrated)
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Overall Rating 24%
Overall Rating
Ranked #1,534
...out of 20,196 movies
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Four troubled orphans from four separate movie scenarios who are bound together in a wacky chocolate factory after receiving golden tickets to go on an 'epic adventure.' After they escape from the clutches of a very scary Willy Wonka they discover the magical world of 'Gnarnia' through an enchanted wardrobe. There they must seek the help of a randy lion, a hoard of mutants from the x academy, students of witchcraft and wizardry, funky swash-buckling pirates and a mischievous beaver to defeat the evil white bitch! --IMDb
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Review by Mr. Mistoffelees
Added: July 12, 2008
What the hell is wrong with media these days? We have music that takes maybe 10 minutes to write, TV shows that base themselves on cheap drama and "reality," and these excuses for spoofs, sorry wastes of time that can only be described as cow dung. Recently the good friends at HBO have decided to show "Epic Movie" on some of their channels, and I must say, it is one delectable treat of a movie.

Meet our four main characters: Edward (Kal Penn), Peter (Adam Campbell), Lucy (Jayma Mays), and Susan (Faune A. Chambers), all receive golden tickets through ridiculously unfunny means to go on an epic adventure into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Willy (Crispin Glover) is not only zany, he's downright terrifying. He captures them and does some painful treatments in order to remove some body parts, then stows them away for later plans. Susan gets away and finds a wardrobe that brings her to an enchanted land, called Gnarnia (...). The other three losers come into the land, and after understanding the land's plight, go to rescue the people from the clutches of the evil White Bitch (...).

Man, that is intelligent writing. How do these people get away with all these clear ripoffs? I wish I knew. All I knew is that I may have chuckled a couple of times throughout, and I usually laugh at most things. The storyline is weak all the way through; it seems as though the writers were just dying to find ways to insert as many spoof and impersonation ideas as possible. In this, they may have succeeded. We have Silas from the DaVinci Code, most of the characters from Narnia, Harry Potter and the crew, Captain Jack Swallows (wow), some poor imitations for X-Men (Carmen Electra is a big waste of life), and more that I can't think of. Yet very, very few seemed to have any intelligent comedy written into them. I know most of you who read this will say "of course, these directors are juvenile and should be hung from their balls," but I wish that at least some comedic thought would have been provided. Considering it's a comedy. The only somewhat decent spoof performance is Darrell Hammond as Jack Sparrow/Swallows. But even his lines blew goats galore.

And wow, the acting. Oh wow this was pure comedic gold. I'm not sure if any of the actors sat down and really read the script before downing a bottle of Jack, but I sure hope they did. No one in their right mind would sit down and think about how exciting it will be to say such lines as "Harry likes to get drunk and show off his sorcerer's stones." I utterly cringed at the idea that someone actually had the courage to say that line without changing it themselves. None of the main characters served for more than moving the pathetic plot along, except sometimes for Lucy. She played the dumb one in the movie, and had some mildly amusing scenes. Plus she was a hot redhead, not like dark red, like fire-red. I don't know if anyone likes redheads...OK, this may be the only redeeming quality of the movie. Sorry I lost track.

So aside from the horrible attempts at jokes, the awful spoofing attempts, terrible acting, bad dialogue, bad special effects, and poor story writing, this movie has a lot going for it and I definitely recommend it. Wait, that must be Lucy talking. 0/10.
Emma #1: Emma - added July 13, 2008 at 8:13am
i 100% agree, 0/10. i think the only person in the cinema who liked it was my 11 year old brother
BuryMeAlive #2: BuryMeAlive - added July 13, 2008 at 6:34pm
Crispin Glover will save the world one day, but not even he could save this movie... 0/10 no doubt.
Lucid Dreams #3: Lucid Dreams - added August 20, 2010 at 6:40pm
Epic fail 1/10
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