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Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

DVD Cover (Troma Entertainment)
Genres:
Horror, Slasher Film, Thriller, Zombie Film
Director:
John N. Carter John N. Carter
Starring:
David Broadnax David Broadnax
Rita Jenrette Rita Jenrette
Tom Cantrell Tom Cantrell
Diane Clayre Holub Diane Clayre Holub
George Peters George Peters

2.3 / 10 - 6 votes

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Review by Chad
Added: May 04, 2004
A group of people take a tour to the island of San Marie to see some voodoo rituals. When they get there, they do indeed see a ritual take place, where a lamb is sacrificed to bring a corpse back to life. The corpse walks around a bit, and that's that. It's time to leave the island, so everyone heads back to the tourbus, only to find that the driver has disappeared, and the bus is missing the distributor cap... so driving away is out of the question. They decide to hike up the road to a house they saw, and along the way, the group gets killed off one by one by unknown forces....

Horridly bad movie right here. That zombie that rises up and does nothing in the beginning of the movie is the only zombie to be found, which was quite the letdown. Turns out, the whole murdering-everybody deal was a result of a drug deal gone bad, and the locals found out that somebody in the tour group was carrying the money from this deal. Even so, you'd think they could pull out some nice kills or something, but that was not to be found here. Two people fall into a pit of spikes, two people get beat to death with a stick, two people get choked out, a guy gets a spear through the chest, and the last guy gets decapitated. That decapitation was the only nice kill here, everything else was either horridly done, or the camera cut off too quickly to see anything... or in some cases, both happened.

But still, even with the deceptive title and the shitty effects, the storyline could be good... right? Strike three, as it was boring as hell throughout. There's way too much dialogue, and it all seemed stretched out to take time... really, how long does it take to decide whether to hang around the bus or hike to the house? It shouldn't take up ten minutes of movie time, but it sure did here. The movie follows that whole formula; showing a kill or something, another long dialogue scene, move to a new location, more dialogue, another kill, and so on. I usually don't mind long dialogue scenes, as long as they're nicely done.... but here, they're just boring, which I suppose could be a result of....

...the acting. These people are just pathetic and should have never been placed on film for any reason. Rita Jenrette, besides having some gravity-defying tits, totally killed any of the scenes she was in with some of the lamest lines ever; "I can't move, I'm frozen solid!" Then there's the stoner who just magnified every stereotypical pothead trait ten-fold, and looked quite dumb in doing so. The rest of the cast is just as bad, so use your imagination.

Stay far, far away from this one. 1/10.
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Ginose #1: Ginose - added 07/29/2007, 03:25 AM
Hahahaha... dear god, I still have poster of this on my wall... do you know why? Same reason "Shadows Run Black" and "Vegas in Space" are... to remind me that I have wasted my time with movies, before. And to help me never to do it again... luckily they're advert posters so their small little bastards... I just need a reminder, somtimes. 1/10
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