Jennifer's Body (2009)

DVD Cover (Twentieth Century Fox)
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Overall Rating 46%
Overall Rating
Ranked #922
...out of 8,387 movies
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Nerdy, reserved bookworm Needy Lesnicki, and arrogant, conceited cheerleader Jennifer Check are best friends, though they share little in common. They share even less in common when Jennifer mysteriously gains an appetite for human blood after a disastrous fire at a local bar. As Needy's male classmates are steadily killed in gruesome attacks, the young girl must uncover the truth behind her friend's transformation and find a way to stop the bloodthirsty rampage before it reaches her own boyfriend Chip. --IMDb
Megan Fox
Megan Fox
Amanda Seyfried
Amanda Seyfried
Johnny Simmons
Johnny Simmons
Adam Brody
Adam Brody
Sal Cortez
Sal Cortez
Review by Chad
Added: October 07, 2009
Before sitting down to take a gander at Jennifer's Body, I knew very little about the release. I knew it was a horror flick, I was well aware that the highly-overrated Megan Fox was starring in it, and I had heard that it supposedly featured plenty of black comedy. That was the extent of my knowledge, but hey, it's one of those horror movies that was all over the horror rags for what seemed like eternity, so I had to check it out, right? In the end, I found that it technically is a horror flick, I discovered that yes, Mrs. Fox has the leading role (and she reaffirmed my belief that she is overrated), and I even discovered that the film was good for a laugh. Unfortunately, my laughter had nothing to do with the "black comedy" that the film was supposed to be delivering, but it did have a lot to do with the fact that the movie itself was laughable: the writing was laughable, the acting was laughable, the core idea driving the movie was laughable, and the very notion that someone not only greenlit this but also had the balls to send it out to theaters was - you guessed it - laughable.

The story begins when Jennifer (Fox) and her BFF Needy (Amanda Seyfried) head out to a rundown bar to see a hip new band that is "like, so hot on MySpace." Things don't go so well, and in fact, the bar ends up burning to the ground. Unfortunately for us watching at home, the two leading ladies make it out alive, and the vocalist (Adam Brody) of this band offers them a ride in their "rape mobile" to "recuperate." Needy, being the brighter of the two, declines the offer, but Jennifer is all about getting some groupie love from her MySpace hero. As it turns out, this little indie band that could... couldn't. They couldn't get an appearance on Letterman, they couldn't get on any shitty soundtracks, and they couldn't act if their lives depended on it, so they looked up a Satanic ritual on the internet. Guess what the ritual entails? Pat yourself on the back if you said "the sacrifice of a virgin", and before Jenny's "wettie" has time to dry up, she has a knife in her gut.

The hook, if you will, is that Jennifer wasn't actually a virgin - no, she wasn't even a "backdoor virgin", as she so eloquently puts it. This results in a demon getting trapped inside her body, a demon which now causes her to require human flesh to retain her "good looks" (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist the quotes). The high school boys start disappearing, Needy fears for her boyfriend's (Johnny Simmons) life, and with the big dance just around the corner, things could get hairy... or depressingly atrocious, take your pick.

I hated everything about this movie, but I guess that isn't much of a review, so allow me to elaborate. First off, I hated the dialogue. Diablo Cody, if that is her real name (snicker), may have won oodles of awards for Juno and she undoubtedly has her fans, but I simply can not stand her fascination with requiring every other line to contain some sort of "hip" slang term. This trait is on display throughout the entire film, and I guess if you liked that aspect of Juno, then you'll certainly love the dialogue here. Personally, I think that she should pop in a movie from the eighties and listen to how badly their slang has dated, and then apply that to her own work. Maybe then she will see how awful her work will appear to anyone who watches this five years from now... or in the here and now for anyone out of middle school.

Acting? Megan Fox has a set of tits and her face is somewhat attractive, and that is all that she brings to the movie. You know, I expect good acting from a drama and I at least expect good comedic timing from a comedy, but when it comes to horror, I only expect semi-passable performances. When your character has a metal pole shoved through her stomach complete with blood gushing out all over the floor and you can't conjure up a facial expression to properly sell the situation, perhaps it's time you moved on to the world of porn. Hell, you've already got plenty of horny teenage boys who would purchase a DVD, or at least download a torrent of it. Amanda Seyfried is acceptable in her role in that I wasn't wanting to stab my eyes out nearly as much when she was talking as I was with everyone else in the film, so I guess I can give her credit for that.

The storyline is as stupid as it sounds up above in the synopsis, the dialogue is hilariously awful, the gore is practically non-existent, and I hate to break it to the fellows out there, but regardless of the pictures you may have seen from the set, Fox does not show the goods. Jennifer's Body was not funny, it wasn't scary, it wasn't entertaining, and worst of all, it wasn't worth the ninety minutes of my life that I spent in front of the screen. It was, however, the worst movie I have seen all year. 0/10.
Nirrad #1: Nirrad - added 10/07/2009, 01:26 PM
Lol, we all saw this coming. I refuse to see this stupid ass movie. Even if they left Megan Fox's nude scene in I still wouldn't see it.
waxtadpole3657 #2: waxtadpole3657 - added 10/07/2009, 10:34 PM
I'm glad this movie bombed. Because it means that maybe people are getting sick of Megan Fox. I certainly am.
waxtadpole3657 #3: waxtadpole3657 - added 10/07/2009, 10:36 PM
Oh, and it also means that Diablo Cody was most likely a fluke. Because why I highly enjoyed Juno, some of the dialogue came off as completely forced ("THUNDERCATS ARE GO!!!!!!"). Fucking hipster dialogue. "This is SOOO much better than Suspiria." *groan*
waxtadpole3657 #4: waxtadpole3657 - added 10/07/2009, 10:36 PM
And am I the only one that thinks Megan Fox has a weird face?
Optimus Prime #5: Optimus Prime - added 10/12/2009, 09:35 PM
Throw that all in one next time, bud...

I'm with Tristan on this one. I'll never watch go out of my way to watch this. When the only thing good you can say about your movie is "MEGAN FOX IS IN IT... SHE'S SO HOT!" you know it's trash.
Nirrad #6: Nirrad - added 10/12/2009, 10:49 PM
Trash just like Megan! Ohhhhh snap!
Tristan #7: Tristan - added 10/12/2009, 11:20 PM
I actually downloaded the same cam version as Chad. I had absolutely no intentions on seeing this, but after his 0/10 I think I pretty much have to now.
waxtadpole3657 #8: waxtadpole3657 - added 10/26/2009, 01:52 PM
Throw that all in one next time, bud...

Hah, yeah, sorry. My thoughts came segmented. Too bad there's no edit option on comments. XD
bluemeanie #9: bluemeanie - added 10/27/2009, 05:20 PM
WHAT?! 0/10? Come on -- there was some clever shit going down in this film. I loved the sense of humor (which, of course, was all Diablo Cody), thought Amanda Seyfriend did a fantastic job. This film never bored me. I am shocked by your score. Go figure. 7/10.
AttnDefDis #10: AttnDefDis - added 10/28/2009, 09:03 AM
I'm also shocked at the 0/10 rating. I've seen some God awful movies in my time and while this one disappointed me, but it wasn't that bad. I thought Amanda Seyfried did a great job as well and I applaud Diablo Cody for switching genres. You know she could have made a ton of money making another coming of age "Juno" rip off, but she went a different route. I really enjoy Diablo Cody's sense of humor and pop culture references galore, but I could have done without the constant plugs for things like, the "Bowflex" or "The Cheescake Factory". Plus, most of the dialogue felt forced. There were several lines that I thought could have been altered or just removed. My biggest gripe is that the movie is named after a Hole song and I kept expecting them to play it, but instead the played "Violet". I feel like that was a huge oversight. Overall, it was decent, but it could have been so much better.
Crispy #11: Crispy - added 03/05/2010, 02:16 AM
No excuse for not showing Fox's tits. ONLY thing that would have given this something of merit.
George Snow #12: George Snow - added 03/18/2015, 07:40 PM
I didn't know till recently that this was written by Diablo Cody. So, for $3 I bought it. Fox is pretty hot, so really how bad could it be? The first thing I noticed is Seyfried is the lead not Fox. IMO I'd fuck Seyfried over Fox any day of the week. So, that was a pleasant surprise. It was the awful script that ruined this movie.

I've been watching a ton of Chaplin, Keaton, Hitchcock, and everything else made back in Hollywood's hey day. So, I have high expectations. The amount of long, boring and nothing happens scenes were vast as opposed to the one or two decent bloody moments.

This movie is a prime example of latching onto a script written by an Oscar winner. This script had no right being shot the way it was. Look at the amount of talent that grabbed on. What a piece of shit this was.
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