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Dark Harvest 3: Scarecrow (2004)

DVD Cover (Lions Gate)
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Overall Rating 23%
Overall Rating
Ranked #5,711
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Connections: Dark Harvest

Timeline: 1921 - It began in the backwoods of Tennessee, way up in a hollow...There lived an old woman who some say she had powers, the kind that could curse people. The James Brothers knew of her, these five brothers being of the worst kind, evil, vile, and reckless. They wanted the old woman's cabin and land for their own. They needed a place private to make moonshine. The old woman knew the brothers were going to taker her possessions anyway they had to. So she prepared for them an evil to beget evil. A curse so powerful she laid upon the brothers and any of their kin. Hence the Skarecow became... and the vengeance was delivered... Timeline: 1981 - Now sixty years later the grandson of Willie James has returned to the cabin...and the curse is still very much ALIVE! --IMDb
Joel James
Joel James
Tim James
Tim James
Doyle James
Doyle James
Tim Booth
Tim Booth
Daryl Pope
Daryl Pope
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Review by Crispy
Added: October 18, 2009
Like Dark Harvest 2, the second sequel wasn't actually a sequel at all. Ben Dixon made a movie called Skarecrow, which at some point was simply renamed Dark Harvest 3: Scarecrow, and slapped yet another wicked looking scarecrow on the cover. Thankfully, this movie actually was about a killer scarecrow, so that's a plus. As it stands, there's quite a bit of fun to be had with this. Too bad none of it was intentional.

We start off back in 1921, where a witch is playing with Halloween decorations, I mean stuffing a corpse full of organs. After hanging the cadaver up as a scarecrow, she's assaulted by the James brothers, five mean mothers who've decided her little cabin would make a fine HQ for their criminal activities. After killing the hag, they call it a night. Soon after the scarecrow wakes up, enters the house, lays waste to the gang, and we shoot up to 1981. The great grandson of one of those brothers, Brett James, is taking his girlfriend and some old friends up to this cabin, which has stayed in the famiy through the years, for a weekend of drinking and sexual debauchery. However, it isn't all fun and games, as tensions are running high with our party animals. Apparently, this group was friends way back in the day, and now they're just hanging out because they don't want to admit things have changed. It's tedious, but at least it's different. Anyway, at some point, Brett smacks the hell out of his girlfriend, splattering blood on a nearby scarecrow. Naturally, this is all it needed to wake up and start hacking up some drunks.

The sad thing is that my little synopsis right there of such a simple plot is so much more coherent than it plays out on screen. The whole movie is laughable; the script sucks, the actors suck, the pacing sucks, even the T&A sucks. There's one scene where the scarecrow disembowels some girl and is pulling out her intestines that looks kind of decent, but other than that the kills are all of the ridiculous blood-spraying variety. The scene where Brett slaps his girlfriend is met with an insane amount of blood splattering, and while we all love gratuitous bloodshed, that is just overkill. During the scarecrow's "rampage" in the '20s, I literally couldn't do anything besides laugh at how bad it was.

There's nothing quite worse in film than handing God awful actors a God awful script, and that's just what we have here. I am being perfectly serious when I say everyone in front of the camera was entirely useless. Reagan Richards and Lee Jones were by far the worst of the lot though. Richards was actually halfway decent during the calmer scenes, but when the shit hit the fan, they decided to let her just scream all of her lines at the top of the lungs. Hilarity ensues. I am being dead serious when I say I was actually laughing out loud at how over the top it was. Jones was the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Everything he said was in a quick monotone, with "C'mon" thrown in there every third word or so, just in case of any accidents. What really makes it golden is that they handed him a sex scene; there's not too much funnier than listening to some guy getting coming out with "Ooh baby, that feels good" in a complete monotone. The sad thing is, the whole thing was actually better than the first "sex scene" which consisted of a five second close up of a lacy black bra, then a five second close up of bare boobs. Yeah, well done there.

There's really nothing redeeming about this movie whatsoever. I mean, I had a ball laughing at it, but I'm not going to commend them for failing hilariously. Sure, that one gore scene looked decent and there were some boobs thrown in there for good measure, but the only reason anyone would want to pick this up is if you and your buddies have a weekly MST3K night. 1.5/10.
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