The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)

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Overall Rating 30%
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Ranked #2,788
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Connections: The Crow

Jimmy Cuervo is a down-on-his-luck ex-con living in a polluted mining town on a reservation that would run him out of town if not for the remainder of his probation. With his time nearly finished, he plans to start a new life with his girlfriend Lily, and leave the town for good. But Luc Crash and Lola Byrne head up a local gang of local Satanists who murder Jimmy and Lily in a brutally ritualistic slaying that they hope will conjure the rebirth of the Antichrist. When the legend of the Crow returns Jimmy from the dead, Jimmy heads out on a one-man path of vengeance that will lead him to El Nino, the leader of the gang that Luc and Lola are in. --IMDb
Yuji Okumoto
Yuji Okumoto
Marcus Chong
Marcus Chong
Tito Ortiz
Tito Ortiz
Tara Reid
Tara Reid
David Boreanaz
David Boreanaz
Review by Crispy
Added: October 23, 2009
Even though I liked the last Crow movie, I had a feeling that Wicked Prayer was going to be a disappointment. I had no idea it was going to be that bad though.

The town of Lake Ravasu has recently been wrecked with pollution thanks to ongoing mining operations, but the local Aztec tribe has finally been able to secure the land as an official reservation. Fearing they'll lose their jobs, tensions has risen between the miners and Indians, and they finally come to a head when Luc "Death" Crash leads his Satanic cult on a violent revolt against those inside. Every member of this cult is named for one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they all have some grudge with the Indians. Meanwhile, an ex-con named Jimmy Cuervo is planning to elope with his girlfriend, Lily. Considering Cuervo's a convicted murderer, her father and brother are both against the relationship, but soon that will be the least of their problems, as Jimmy and Lily have been targeted by Luc's cult to be part of a Satanic ritual. Luc's fiance, Lola Byrne, cuts out Lily's eyes and uses a spell to place them in her head, giving her telepathic abilities, while Luc cuts out Jimmy's heart and turns it to ash in his hands, giving him super strength. Naturally, after the couple's dead bodies are dumped in the nearby mines, the crow appears to bring Jimmy back from the dead and exact his revenge, but are the powers of the crow stronger than the powers of Satan.

My God where do I start with this travesty. First of all, the people who penned the script should spend the rest of their career on SyFy originals. Everything about this is either a cliche (Satanists?) or mind numbingly bad movie techniques. The most grievous example is the way it introduced the villains. The camera will freeze frame over them, and their name, occupation and reason for hating the Indians would pop up on the screen. This might have worked in a movie like Feast, but definitely not in a Crow movie. Speaking of oddities for a Crow movie, this has the most linear plotline in the entire series. The previous movies relied heavily on effective flashbacks to tell a good portion of the story, but not here. It's just one more example of shoddy, amateur writing. Right up there with naming the head villains "Crash and Byrne", a Mexican character that calls everyone Homes, and fucking Dennis Hopper's character. Apparently, the powers that be decided that what this film really needed was an old white guy awkwardly spitting out Ebonics. He refers to Tara Reid as 'Shorty', Satan as the 'Original Gangsta' and has a long monologue that will literally have you cringing and praying for the end. Whoever decided that shit was a good idea needs to be shot.

The effects were just as bad. The scene where Lily has her eyes cut out is laughably bad, as the eye is obviously a Halloween prop. It's a long cry from the eyes Top Dollar was using as incense. Then there's a scene after Jimmy comes back where he shoots himself in the chest, before turning to reveal his perfectly unharmed shirt. There are ways to hide the fact that there is no movie magic going on, but apparently that was completely lost on these people. The same holds true with the fight scenes, as we're now "treated" to that Wire Fu style. Luc and Jimmy would launch themselves twenty feet through the air to deliver a kick, and a successful impact would send his opponent flying back just as far. It's a horrible approach, and again, I'll never understand how anyone could decide it was the way to go.

The biggest albatross around this movie's neck is the cast. As our titular hero, Edward Furlong is absolutely atrocious. The high energy charisma that defined the other three heroes has been replaced with a lazy, exhausted delivery; I swear it looks like he's just been awake for too long and was in need of a nap. David Boreanaz completely lost it as Luc, by the end of the film I swear he was channeling Jim Carrey. Emmanuelle Chriqui was decent enough as Lily, but the truth is she didn't actually get enough screen time to matter either way. As it stands, Tara Reid turns in the film's best performance as Lola Byrne. Yes, you read that correctly, Tara Reid lead the pack. Speaks volumes doesn't it?

Other than the fact that Tara Reid and Emmanuelle Chriqui are both pretty hot, there is absolutely nothing to see here. This is The Crow: The B-Movie Edition. Avoid. 1/10.
Nirrad #1: Nirrad - added 10/23/2009, 06:35 PM
Edward Furlong? Hahaha. Anyone with a brain would never cast him these days, especially not as the crow.
Edd #2: Edd - added 11/01/2009, 02:21 PM
I thought it wasn't that great, but not as bad as the reviewer tells it. I understood full well it was gonna suck though.
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