Tales From The Crapper (2004)

DVD Cover (Troma Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 40%
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Ranked #5,192
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Connections: Tales From The Crypt

Troma Entertainment co-founder and B-movie director and producer Lloyd Kaufman plays the Crap Keeper. He presents the viewers with two horror stories that contain gore, nudity, fat men, talking penises, lesbian scenes, vampires, UFOs, and appearances by porn star Ron Jeremy and the band New Found Glory. The film was purportedly shot over three years with six directors and close to fifteen writers. --Wikipedia
Lloyd Kaufman
Lloyd Kaufman
Julie Strain
Julie Strain
James Gunn
James Gunn
Elizabeth Johnson
Elizabeth Johnson
Kevin Eastman
Kevin Eastman
Review by Chad
Added: November 14, 2009
So, picture this: Lloyd Kaufman has a friendly chat with former Playboy Playmate of the Year India Allen, and the end result is that he gives her a quarter of a million dollars along with the business card of cult favorite Julie Strain. He tells her to shoot two movies starring Mrs. Strain, and at some point, those releases would come out on the Troma label. Fast-forward a bit, and Allen turns in her two movies... and Kaufman deems them to be horribly bad and completely unreleasable. Think about that for a moment: Lloyd Kaufman said that these two movies were so bad that he couldn't release them through Troma. A few court cases, a handful of phone calls for cameo appearances, and a whole lot of editing and reshooting later, those fine folks at Troma combined all of the footage into an anthology horror flick entitled Tales from the Crapper, narrated by the Crapkeeper himself (Lloyd Kaufman, naturally).

First up is "The Case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater", where we discover that an alien spaceship has crashed undetected in California. This half woman, half praying mantis alien immediately heads for the local titty bar, where she proceeds to hand out lap dances like candy... before killing her aroused and unsuspecting victims. When an undercover police officer (Kevin Eastman - yes, that Eastman) is killed in the line of duty at this club, his wife (Julie Strain) decides to shed her clothes, pose as a stripper, and get to the bottom of this madness.

Next, we get "Tuition of the Terror Twat", a charming little tale about a boy who just wants to go to college. Unfortunately, he has no money, so his friends (one of them being Jorge Garcia from Lost) decide to hire some strippers and sell tickets to a stripper party of some sort. As it turns out, the strippers (Julie Strain, Masuimi Max, and Arban Ornelas) are actually vampires. Carnage ensues on the big night, and not even the head of security (Ron Jeremy) can control those she-bitches.

But wait, there's more! We get an opening scene in which Lloyd Kaufman talks to Troma alumni James Gunn about his Hollywood success, Debbie Rochon takes off her clothes and takes on the role of editor for the second movie, there's a threeway between Kelli Powers, Isabelle Stephen, and a pre-op transsexual wielding the infamous penis monster, and there's also that new party sequence that was shot for Terror Twat. The original sequence was atrocious from what I saw of it, but this new scene features the likes of Trey Parker, Ted Raimi, Trent Haaga, Doug Sakmann, Eli Roth, Lizzy Strain, and for you punk kids out there, the band known as New Found Glory.

Alright, so I can see why those movies were deemed unreleasable even by Troma standards. Troma is known for putting out horrific movies, but most of their releases have some sort of charm to them. Mrs. Allen's releases, on the other hand, were just horrific. The acting was terrible, the plots were nonsensical, the lighting and sound were unbearable, and the overall products were simply unwatchable. With the help of some hilarious dubbing, some new footage, and a whole lot of BonerVision (a small circle that shows naked women in the corner of the screen during the boring parts), Kaufman and crew managed to salvage these releases and put out a movie that was actually damned entertaining. Now, when I use the word "entertaining", keep in mind that I am a fan of Troma, and thus, I am a fan of their style of low-brow humor, their addiction to low-budget gore, and yes, even their obsession with lesbian sequences. This kind of movie will not appeal to everyone and this release isn't the best that Troma has to offer, but fans will love it nonetheless.

I doubt that any of you will enjoy the individual movies on their own, but think of this movie like one of the better episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. You probably wouldn't want to pick up many of those movies on their own, but watching them while listening to someone make fun of them is strangely satisfying and completely enjoyable. If you're a fan of the Troma style of humor, this could be your MST3K. With that in mind, I'm going with an 8/10.
Christopher #1: Christopher - added 11/14/2009, 09:05 PM
MST3K ripped apart movies that actually tried to be serious. This whole movie was a joke before Troma even got to it.
BuryMeAlive #2: BuryMeAlive - added 11/15/2009, 10:36 AM
I want to see this movie just for Masuimi Max...
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