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A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell (1990)

DVD Cover (Troma Entertainment)
Genres / Traits:
Creature Film, Fantasy, Fantasy Adventure, Prehistoric Fantasy, Sci-Fi Adventure, Sword-And-Sorcery, Dinosaurs, Post Apocalyptic
Director:
Brett Piper Brett Piper
Starring:
Paul Guzzi Paul Guzzi
Linda Corwin Linda Corwin
Alex Pirnie Alex Pirnie
Mark Deshaies Mark Deshaies
Al Hodder Al Hodder

2.4 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Review by Chad
Added: May 01, 2011
A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is one of those movies that, based solely on the title, I have been wanting to see for years. I mean, that is the kind of title that sums up a movie nicely and tells you exactly what you're going to get out of the deal, but for some reason, I've never gotten around to actually popping the disc in. That changed today, unfortunately, and I can now say that the title is by far the best thing about this movie.

The film takes place in the future, where we learn that a nuclear war has wiped out almost all life on the planet. Those that survived were transformed into mutants: animals and insects became huge dinosaur-like creatures, while humans became lizard-men or horribly-disfigured monstrosities. A very few humans were left untouched, and this leads right into our introduction to Lea (Linda Corwin), a self-proclaimed nymphoid barbarian... a nymphoid barbarian who has zero interest in sex and couldn't fight her way out of a wet paper bag.

She eventually meets another unscathed survivor in Marn (Paul Guzzi), a handsome fellow who is slightly better in the "barbarian" department, and the two spend the rest of the day frolicking on the beach and snuggling beside a campfire. Life is good for the two, until a legitimate barbarian named Clon (Alex Pirnie) shows up with a trio of lizard-men, nearly kills Marn, and kidnaps Lea. Lea eventually escapes her tormentor, Marn eventually regains consciousness, Clon searches the wilderness for Lea, Lea searches the wilderness for Marn, and Marn searches the wilderness for Lea. Throw in a few supporting characters, add a couple of dinosaurs, and you have a movie.

If it sounds like a flimsy plot, well... that's because it is. I usually write up a synopsis that gives you a general idea as to what the movie will present you with, but in this case, that is the entirety of it save for the conclusion that should be obvious to anybody who has seen at least three films in their lifetime. The movie moves along at a glacial pace, and although the monotony is broken up from time to time with fight sequences or dinosaur attacks, the vast majority of the running time is rather hard to sit through. This isn't helped at all by the fact that there is very little dialogue present, and although I didn't keep count, I'd venture to guess that there was around ten, maybe fifteen lines spoken throughout the entire movie.

The one saving grace of the film is the fact that it was directed by Brett Piper, a man who knows how to put together some damned impressive creatures. The dinosaurs look fantastic, and there is one scene where two dinosaurs fight to the death that shows what this film could have been. Mix that sort of thing together with a half-decent storyline for the humans, and you would have had yourself a classic. Instead, the dinosaurs and other assorted creatures were kept to a minimum. There is a giant worm that springs from the ground that is also a great display of effects work and the lizard-men costumes get a thumbs up, but it's just a shame that we didn't get more of this and less fluff.

One thing that struck me as incredibly odd is the lack of "the goods", and by that, I mean... well, it's a Troma movie about a nymphoid barbarian with dinosaurs thrown in for good measure. One would expect loads of nudity and loads of gore, but that is not the case. We see Linda Corwin's boobs for about three seconds towards the end of the movie, there are two or three moderately bloody scenes, and save for Mrs. Corwin's ass cheeks hanging out of her outfit for most of the running time, the rest of the movie could have got by with a PG-13 rating. I'm not saying that tits and blood will instantly make me enjoy a movie more, but in a film where very little happens for the ninety minutes that it runs for, it couldn't have hurt.

I'm going with a 5/10 for the overall film, and honestly, most of that is just because I loved the dinosaurs and creatures. The effects used to bring them to life were highly memorable, but sadly, there wasn't enough of that to justify a recommendation. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a bad movie, but one has to travel an incredibly dull road to get from one good scene to the next.
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