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Almighty Thor (2011)

DVD Cover (The Asylum Home Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 17%
Overall Rating
Ranked #4,799
...out of 10,233 movies
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Connections: Marvel: Loki Marvel: Thor

When the demon god Loki destroys the fortress of Valhalla and steals the Hammer of Invincibility, only the young hero Thor can protect Earth from armageddon. --Amazon
Cody Deal
Cody Deal
Richard Grieco
Richard Grieco
Patricia Velasquez
Patricia Velasquez
Kevin Nash
Kevin Nash
Jess Allen
Jess Allen
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Review by Chad
Added: June 13, 2011
Personally, I have almost zero interest in the new Thor movie, let me just get that out of the way. I might end up catching it through Netflix streaming somewhere down the line, but as far as seeing it in a theater or bumping it up to the top of my queue? I just don't care that much. On the other hand, I do love me an Asylum mockbuster, so in what may be a first for the company, someone was more excited for their cheap knock-off than for the movie that they were ripping off. It's just a shame that I, a fan of the company and a lover of schlock, couldn't find much to love here.

It all begins when Loki (Richard Grieco) decides that he would like to own the hammer of invincibility, but the problem here is that Odin (Kevin Nash) is the one who has possession of the hammer, and he isn't giving it up without a fight. So, Loki summons a horde of demon dogs and sets them loose on Valhalla, reducing it to nothing more than rubble and burning remains. A fight between Odin and Loki occurs and Odin dies in the battle, but before he passes on, he throws the hammer through a portal and tells his son Thor (Cody Deal) that he must retrieve it and finish Loki off.

As it turns out, the hammer is now embedded inside the Tree of Life, a tree that basically keeps the world turning. Thor is able to retrieve the hammer with the help of Valkyrie warrior Jarnsaxa (Patricia Velasquez), but Loki is determined to get his hands on that powerful artifact. Thor and Jarnsaxa take a portal to modern times to buy themselves some time and get some guns, but Loki is right behind them. It will eventually be a battle between good, evil, and a bunch of demons in the middle of the city to see who gets to keep that mystical hammer... if you can stay awake that long.

Alright, here's the deal with this movie. The opening battle is fairly good by Asylum standards - a shocker, I know. Kevin Nash is the star of the show here, and even though a Nordic God with a bunch of biker tattoos on his arms looks a bit silly, he was actually decent in the role. Mr. Nash is not a great actor, but give him a role where he just has to grunt and beat the shit out of people and he does fine. The sword fights were a little weak and amateurish, but the CGI used for the monsters and the explosions more than made up for that. The Asylum is known for putting together movies with horrific CGI, but the stuff found here was actually pretty good - it doesn't rival Hollywood blockbusters or anything silly like that, but it was a huge step up from their previous efforts. Overall, this opening fifteen minutes got a thumbs up from me in a "cheesy action flick" kind of way.

The final scene was much the same, except that Cody Deal took the place of Kevin Nash and... well, he made Nash look like a seasoned pro throughout the film. Deal looks the part with his long blonde hair and his chiseled physique, but as soon as he opens his mouth, you realize that he is out of his league even in a cheap knock-off movie. He delivers his lines like a whiny little bitch with absolutely nothing in the way of emotion and he bumbles about with a sword or a hammer in his hands, and honestly, his inclusion was one of the worst things about the movie. Still, the grand finale was decent in that "cheesy action flick" kind of way, and the CGI work was just as good here as it was in the opening.

The problem is the hour and change worth of film inserted between the opening and the ending. You see, the filmmakers apparently didn't know where to go with the movie beyond "Loki wants the hammer" and "throw in some battles", so they just padded it out with the same damned set of scenes over and over again. Here, let me break it down for you.

1) Thor swears that he is going to finish Loki off, right here, right now.
2) Jarnsaxa tells him that no, he is not ready and he will get his ass kicked.
3) Thor fights Loki, gets his ass kicked, manages to escape with the hammer.
4) Cut to a shot of Loki walking through the trees / down the street.

Repeat that set of scenes four or five times, throw in a few guns and a couple of monsters, and you have the vast majority of the running time. I could see using this series of events once in the movie, maybe even twice to show how dumb the guy is, but c'mon - it got to the point where, midway through the film, I had to pause it and take a break before I fell asleep. Oh, and again, it didn't help that Cody Deal was just horrible in his role and made me want to give up reviewing altogether. I know that The Asylum isn't known for award-winning writing, but this was downright lazy even by their admittedly low standards.

Even though the two main battles were pretty good (again, by Asylum standards), I just can't recommend this to anyone but the most hardcore of their fans. Some of their movies are fairly decent if you go in knowing what to expect, but this one wasn't enjoyable, and it wasn't even "so bad it's good"... it was just bad, period. 3/10.
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