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Killer Movie (2008)

DVD Cover (Peace Arch)
Director:
Jeff Fisher Jeff Fisher
Starring:
Paul Wesley Paul Wesley
Kaley Cuoco Kaley Cuoco
Gloria Votsis Gloria Votsis
Torrey DeVitto Torrey DeVitto
Jason London Jason London

4.5 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Genres / Traits: Horror, Media Satire, Slasher Film, Teen Horror, Reality Television
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Review by Chad
Added: October 27, 2011
Here we are once again with another movie that I added to my Netflix queue three years ago and sat on, due to it fitting snugly between "I kind of want to see it" and "I don't want to waste ninety minutes of my life on it." However, seeing as how it's about to expire and vanish for all of eternity, I decided to go ahead and fire it up today. The results were not very impressive.

Killer Movie is a Scream-inspired teen slasher flick, so that should tell you all that you need to know about how needlessly-complicated the storyline is. It's about a team of producers led by the bitchy Lee (Cyia Batten) and director Jake (Paul Wesley) who head out to a remote North Dakota town to film a reality show about a high school hockey team, but see, there's a twist: they're just using the "hockey team" pitch to cover their true motives, that being to make a reality show about a killer being released from prison. Throw in a spoiled rich girl celebrity named Blanca Champion (Kaley Cuoco), and you have reality television gold! Only, people start dying off, and of course, nobody knows who the killer could possibly be. Could it be the one guy that is obviously the killer based on all the clues? How about the thirty or so people who could be the killer, but aren't quite as obvious about it? Or maybe, just maybe, it's - dun dun dun! - the one person you'd never expect.

Maybe I didn't make it clear in the synopsis, but Killer Movie is as formulaic as they come. It is a slasher flick with weak kills, minimal bloodshed, zero T&A, a silly reveal at the end, and a cast full of people who were already CW stars or who would go on to fill those roles later in their careers. I sort of knew what I was getting myself into before pushing play, but I was hoping for a couple of bright spots - maybe a couple of neat kills or some gratuitous violence, but none of that is on display here. What we get is as generic of a slasher as one could ask for.

The only thing the film has going for it, and this is a stretch just so that I can say at least something positive about the film, is that the "reality television" angle was fairly humorous. You see, the vast majority of the running time is your standard slasher as mentioned above, but every now and then, we will cut away to the characters and hear them talking about what is currently going on in the film. It is there to poke fun at "real" reality shows and to give the film something to kind of set it apart from the pack, and I'll give it credit for bring a couple of chuckles, but it's nothing that is going to make me recommend the film to anyone.

Aside from that, I just don't know how to expand upon the fact that the movie was a horrible waste of time. The story is silly, there is no real gore to speak of, the kills are boring, and the few chuckles that I got were nothing to brag about. Oh, I suppose that Kaley Cuoco did a pretty good job in her role as the bitchy celebrity whore, but again, this is not something that I can point to and say "THAT is why you should watch this movie." It's a bright spot if you are forced into watching the film, but otherwise, it's a weak perk.

If you want a real slasher film, check out just about anything released during the seventies and eighties. If you want a tamer version of the tried and true slasher formula, there are plenty of teen slashers out there that would fit the bill and actually bring some entertainment value along with them: the aforementioned Scream is a perfect example of that. Killer Movie doesn't really bring anything to the table and has zero selling points, so I believe that a 3/10 is almost being too generous.
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