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Red Water (2003)

DVD Cover (Sony Home Entertainment)
Genres / Traits:
Horror, Natural Horror, Sharks
Director:
Charles Robert Carner Charles Robert Carner
Starring:
Lou Diamond Phillips Lou Diamond Phillips
Kristy Swanson Kristy Swanson
Coolio Coolio
Jaimz Woolvett Jaimz Woolvett
Rob Boltin Rob Boltin

4.2 / 10 - Overall Rating

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In the quiet waters of the Mississippi, body parts are being discovered. No one knows what is behind it all, until a huge man eating bull shark turns up. This bull shark is different, as it can breath in fresh water, making a deadly encounter between anyone who comes before it. John Sanders must now try and reach the surface, with his ex-wife and whilst being held hostage. --TMDb
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Review by Crispy
Added: May 22, 2012
It's a funny thing about creature films, whether natural or supernatural. People pop them into their DVD players because they want to watch said creature cause havoc, and yet time and time again, filmmakers see fit to make a movie about God knows what, dropping what drew their audience in the first place down to a mere sub-plot. It's like pissing off their viewers is a game to these people.

John Sanders used to be one of the best oil riggers in the business, but after a blow-out (explosion of a drill due to excess pressure buildup) causes the death of his workers, he moves to Louisiana and sets up shop running a charter boat. Turns out he's significantly less adept in this venture, and he soon finds his boat on the verge of repossession. Just as he's coming to terms with this piece of bad luck, his ex-wife, Kelli, shows up with a proposal. It seems an extraordinary pocket of gas has been found in his very neck of the woods, and since they've had some trouble drilling it, she was hoping he'd bring his considerable talents to help out. After some coaxing, they set out for the site, and find what they believe is a rival company, scuba diving repeatedly. After the lawyer that's with him confronts these divers and makes a total fucksmudge of himself, they find themselves held at gunpoint. Far from scouting the area's natural resources, the three men are looking for lost drug money that was dumped in the river five years prior. Oh, and this lake happens to have a bull shark calling it home, further exacerbating this little hostage situation.

I absolutely hate it when movies do this. It was advertised as a shark movie, and god damn it that's what I wanted to watch. The small handful of attacks sprinkled throughout the running time were nicely shot, the bridge scene in particular was awesome, but it's really just a sub-plot to the three gangsters. And there's nothing really special on that end that makes the movie at all worth watching. Sure, the van Ryan character was decently interesting in that "absolute badass" mold, but it's been done better, and with better surroundings. Speaking of surroundings, even the set-up is lame, as the relationship between Phillips and Swanson is nothing short of laughable and the whole Cajun legend nonsense caused more than one eye roll moment throughout the running time.

Also, fuck Coolio. Stop casting him in shit. He's a name, sure, but he can't act for shit, and is really fucking annoying on top of things. For that matter, stop letting him release albums too. They're just as bad. Things aren't any better on the protagonist side of the table. Again, Lou Diamond Phillips and Kristy Swanson have zero charisma and zero chemistry; considering we don't have a shark to fall back on, it was up to these two to shoulder the movie. No dice. Langley Kirkwood made a valiant effort to salvage the affair, alas the damage was too great for one man.

Absolutely nothing to see here. The few shark scenes did look good, but said scenes were far and few between. 3.5/10.
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