Texas Chainsaw (2013)

DVD Cover (Lions Gate)
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Ranked #1,900
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Genres / Traits: Horror Slasher Film 3-D

After the first massacre in 1974, the townspeople suspected that the Sawyer family were responsible. A vigilante mob of enraged locals surrounded the Sawyer house, burning it to the ground and killing every last member of the family. Decades later, a young woman named Heather learns that she has inherited a Texas estate from her grandmother. She decides to bring her friends along on the road trip to investigate her inheritance. On arrival, she discovers she has inherited a mansion, but is yet to uncover the terrors that lurk in the basement underneath it. --IMDb
Alexandra Daddario
Alexandra Daddario
Dan Yeager
Dan Yeager
Trey Songz
Trey Songz
Scott Eastwood
Scott Eastwood
Tania Raymonde
Tania Raymonde
Review by Crispy
Added: June 13, 2013
Right off the bat, let me preface this review by saying that I don't like the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah yeah, I've heard it all before. With that said, I hope that fact doesn't make you doubt me when I say that this new sequel is absolutely horrid.

Texas Chainsaw starts off where Tobe Hooper's classic leaves off, ignoring the other sequels. After Sally made it away from the evil Sawyers, the family reconvenes at the house, knowing full well the hell that's about to befall them. Sure enough, the sheriff soon pulls up, demanding that Leatherface (known as Jed here) be released into his custody. Despite protests from Drayton, the rest of the clan decides to surrender him, but before things can end peacefully, half the town shows up brandishing shotguns and Molotov cocktails. Wasting no time for chitchat with the cannibals, they open fire and burn the place to the foundation. While searching the rubble for survivors, one of the rednecks discovers an infant child and secretly takes it into his care. Flash forward to the present day, and that kid, Heather, is estranged from those step-parents. Who'd have thought that a couple who kidnapped her after slaughtering her family would end up being abusive alcoholics? Anyway, it seems her old life has caught up with her, and she receives notice that her biological grandmother has died and left her everything. With her boyfriend and a couple of friends in tow, the kids head out for Texas to see what she has inherited. Unfortunately, they're also going to learn all about the skeletons hidden in the Sawyer family closet.

Perhaps you noticed that they removed "Massacre" from the title. There's a good reason for this. We were more than an hour into things before even seeing a chainsaw. Our boy took out the majority of the cast in a span of about twenty to twenty-five minutes, and that was it until the closing scene. If you do the math, you'll see that leaves a lot of remaining running time, all of it packed to the brim with bullshit. With Leatherface given so little running time, we're mostly dealing with the pissing contest between the sheriff and the mayor (who led the mob back in '74) and Heather figuring out how her new-found family roots ties into the greater picture. I'm sure a more talented director, with better actors at his disposal, might have been able to make something work in this direction. If only.

Speaking of, the acting is shit pretty much across the board. Alexandra Daddario handles our main heroine, Heather. Sadly, her best contribution she had to offer to the film is her body (and that's not even shown off either). Obviously, that's not saying anything, but she was probably the best of the lot, as the rest of her little social circle was absolutely dire. And of course, let's not forget that this is the film debut of rapper Trey Songz. Judging by the fact that he's credited with his real name, I assume he wants to pursue a legitimate career in this field. I know it's a long shot, but hopefully someone tries to talk him out of it after this. Honestly, the best people we got are all the little throwbacks they threw into the opening flashback scene, which was mostly due to novelty than anything else. Grandpa's played by the same guy as the original, while Bill Mosely (Chop Top from part two) takes over as Drayton as Jim Siedow died a few years ago. Also, the original Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen, plays a random Sawyer, and Marilyn Burns, aka Sally, plays a corpse at some point. Obviously, it's just an excuse to put them in there for the sake of them being there.

Now, up until a certain point, this was a mediocre but passable slasher movie. However, there was one little decision made that pushed my opinion into the cesspool. It's pretty predictable, but still happens pretty late in the movie, so skip this paragraph if you're worried about spoilers. It's spelled out in the opening minutes that Heather is actually part of the infamous Sawyer family. They didn't exactly spell out the bloodlines, but essentially, Heather and Leatherface are cousins. Fair enough. When Burt finds out, she automatically becomes a victim of his personal vendetta. Again, it's annoying that's the direction the filmmakers with the choice of the main antagonist, but whatever. The next decision was a catastrophe however. After he discovers their family bond, Leatherface begins protecting the girl from the crazed mayor. On the one hand, sure, it goes in line with the theme that Leatherface isn't evil, just a simple man who's family has taken advantage of, but does anybody actually want to see him as a good guy? Especially when we're forced to endure a scene where Heather throws a chainsaw to Leatherface and yells out, "DO YOUR THING, CUZ!" Really?

Frankly, it doesn't matter if you're a fan of the original or not, a shitty movie is a shitty movie. Stay far away from this one. 1/10.
benloveshorror #1: benloveshorror - added 06/15/2013, 06:42 AM
I've come to accept that I love shitty slasher movies. I liked this, and I also liked Halloween: Resurrection, but I seem to be in the minority. 7/10
Chad #2: Chad - added 06/20/2013, 01:35 AM
I'm going to have to disagree, I liked this movie. I've always had a soft spot for Leatherface, so the direction they took the character in worked for me. As for "does anybody actually want to see him as a good guy", I'd like to point to The Devil's Rejects. Sometimes, it's fun to root for the bad guys.
Crispy #3: Crispy - added 06/20/2013, 10:44 AM
Devil's Rejects was a completely different affair. The movie just focused on the antagonists, but they were still unquestionably the bad guys. They didn't just pick up a chainsaw and start defending the girl from a completely separate antagonist. Even though Jason in FvJ kind of went this route, he wasn't actively protecting the kids so much as they were able to manipulate the two into taking each other out. In other words, he stayed a bad guy.
Crispy #4: Crispy - added 06/20/2013, 10:44 AM
And that line!
Chad #5: Chad - added 06/20/2013, 06:07 PM
Yeah, I'll agree on "the line", but not much else. They had to build up to all of the cousins / relationship / defending stuff, because I mean, it wouldn't have worked if they had just jumped into that - why the fuck is Leatherface defending this broad? Oh, it's explained, it makes sense. Also, he never really changed from bad guy (original movie) to good guy (this one), it's just that if you take this as it's meant to be - a direct sequel - then the revenge angle works. So, it kind of SEEMS like he's the good guy, going after these other antagonists, but it's just his revenge.

I'm not saying the movie was perfect, but it had a solid storyline to it and I think fans of the original would definitely enjoy this. Not prefer or anything, but enjoy.
BuryMeAlive #6: BuryMeAlive - added 06/23/2013, 06:09 AM
Possibly the best "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" sequel. With that being said: 3/10.
Tristan #7: Tristan - added 08/16/2013, 02:05 AM
Best part of this movie was the opening few moments...when they "recapped" the original film. Utter shit.

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