Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012)

DVD Cover (Well Go USA)
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Adele Silva
Adele Silva
Martin Compston
Martin Compston
Billy Murray
Billy Murray
Ali Bastian
Ali Bastian
Barbara Nedeljakova
Barbara Nedeljakova
Review by Chad
Added: February 10, 2015
First, there was Zombie Strippers, and then along came Zombies vs Strippers. That covers the living dead, but we've also had spectral strippers, vampire strippers, and of course, how could we forget about From Dusk Till Dawn? So, what about werewolves? Apparently, somebody asked that question one day, and thus, Strippers vs Werewolves came to be. I wasn't expecting to be blown away by a movie like this, and lo and behold, I wasn't. However, that doesn't mean that it was a waste of time, either.

As the title might imply, the film centers on two very different sets of characters. The strippers are just what you'd expect: a bunch of young ladies in a seedy bar, showing off some skin for paying customers on a nightly basis. This leads us to Justice (Adele Silva), a lovely little lass donning the traditional schoolgirl uniform, who is giving a private show in a small room for one particularly odd fellow. Said customer gets a little too excited during the show, and wouldn't you know it: he's a damned werewolf, and his excitement leads him to transform right then and there. Of course, Justice isn't going to just stand there and get eaten by this overgrown mutt, so she pulls out her fountain pen (you know, schoolgirls always carry pens) and stabs it in the eye... and since the ink pen was made out of silver, the wolf drops dead. Jeanette (Sarah Douglas), the owner of the bar and a woman with experience in werewolf-hunting, comes in and sets to covering this "murder" up, and we have ourselves a happy ending... right?

Not quite. You see, this werewolf victim belonged to a pack led by alpha male Jack Ferris (Billy Murray), a ruthless wolf who sees all humans as nothing more than food and entertainment. In an introductory scene, Jack and a few of his lycan boys show up and make a bunch of mobsters look like little pansies, as just one example of their viciousness. When the pack discovers that one of their own has been killed, they set out to get a measure of revenge on whoever wronged them... and wouldn't you know it, their hunt leads them to the aforementioned strip club and its working ladies. As an added twist, one of the werewolves (Martin Compston) is dating one of the strippers, but neither of them knows about what the other does at night. Turns out, it's a shock for both of them. Throw in a nerdy monster hunter (Simon Phillips), a cameo by Robert Englund, and Lucy Pinder as a vampire bride, and we have a film.

Strippers vs Werewolves, if the synopsis didn't give it away, is not meant to be taken as a serious horror flick. You're not going to find yourself scared of the dark after watching it, and hell, you're not even going to get hit with any jump scares. However, it's not a purely comedic affair, either. Sure, there are laughs to be had, but it plays out as more of a supernatural action flick than anything else - action on a budget, granted, but action none the less. These wolves want to kill the bitches that slaughtered one of their pack members. These strippers are fighting for their lives. Throw on some skimpy Little Red Riding Hood outfits, put on a little eighties dance music, and find out who will survive when the two factions wage war. It's simple enough, and if it sounds like something you could find yourself sucked into, you might enjoy it.

To the film's credit, it did manage to hold my interest from start to finish. While it may seem that the plot doesn't have enough material to keep it running for ninety minutes without resorting to padding, I found that there was enough subplots and side stories to keep things moving along nicely. Hell, I'll even give most of the cast credit for being fairly decent in front of the cameras: again, a shocker from a movie like this. It may say "strippers" in the title, and yes, there are boobies to be found (less than you'd expect), but these are real actresses in a legitimate film. Of course, there's the inevitable battle royal at the end, and even that was a pretty good payoff: not must-see, sure, but damned entertaining.

The only big downside to the movie is the werewolves themselves. As characters, they work out well: they are menacing, the characters portraying them are appropriately vicious, and everything plays out as it should. However, the actual makeup effects leave a lot to be desired. You see, these werewolves are nothing more than men with some thick mutton chops, unkempt heads of hair, and pointy fangs. I get that this was a low budget affair, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed by the constant shattering of the illusion. I want to see werewolves, damn it, not bearded men, and in a movie that has "werewolves" right there in the title, I was expecting something more.

In the end, I'm going to give this one a slightly above-average recommendation. It's really one of those movies where the title sells itself and tells you everything that you need to know. Are you up for seeing some scantily-clad strippers square off with some werewolves? Do you want to see some carnage, some bloodshed, some entrails, and maybe a bit of titillation? If you answered "yes" to all of the above, then you'll probably enjoy the movie. I doubt that you'll love it, and I'm not saying that it's an instant classic, but you'll probably find something to enjoy here. 7/10.
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