Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

DVD Cover (Eclectic DVD)
Horror, Horror Comedy, Musical, Musical Comedy, Vampire Film
Lee Demarbre Lee Demarbre
Phil Caracas Phil Caracas
Murielle Varhelyi Murielle Varhelyi
Maria Moulton Maria Moulton
Tim Devries Tim Devries
Ian Driscoll Ian Driscoll

5.8 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Review by Christopher
Added: February 08, 2005
An army of vampires have come into the town and are reeking havoc on those in the religious community. After one victim falls pray to the lesbian group of the vampire leader, Maxine, the church decides to call in Jesus Christ. Two priests travel to the beach on their mo-ped to meet Jesus. But awaiting them are two lesbian vampires, being led by Maxine. Jesus starts to fight them off while the two priests bless the lake. Maxine sneaks up behind the two priests and takes out a nice chunk of their necks. Jesus finishes off the two lesbian vampires, but is too late to save the two priests. He jumps on their mo-ped and makes it back to the city. Upon arriving in the city, he decides to get a new look by shaving off his hair and beard. Feeling reborn, he and the entire city break into song about saving the world from vampires.

Father Eustace introduces himself when the song finishes. Eustace begins explaining to him what the deal is with the vampires how they came to be. Why they can walk around in sunlight and the reason they are here is up to Jesus to find out. Eustace gives Jesus some money that was collected from the collection plate. Wooden steaks are bought with the cash. But on his way back to his apartment, he's greeted by a group of atheists. Jesus is faced with a large challenge as he fights against a man that uses his dreadlocks as a weapon, a man with an afro using a hair pick as a knife, and tons of other characters. But they're no problem for Jesus as he takes care of them with his kung-fu and wrestling techniques.

After fighting off the atheists, he meets a disciple of his back at his apartment, Mary Magnum. Mary is there to help him with his battle against the vampires. She informs him about a man that may have some answers about the vampires. When Jesus tries to leap into action, he's stop by Mary due to his current clothes. Which is just his identifiable robe. He's taken to a thrift shop to pick up some new threads. He goes through a numerous amount of outfits while Mary shoots down everyone of them. When they finally agree on something, Maxine walks in and starts asking the owner of the shop where Johnny Golgotha is (the leader of all the vampires). When he points her in his direction, Jesus and Mary follow her on Mary's dirtbike.

Mary and Jesus crawl through the vent shaft of their newly found location. Inside they find Golgotha talking to Dr. Pretorious about the vampires. Maxine eventually walks in as the two go out for lunch. Jesus and Mary follow them to a Lesbian Drop-In Centre. By the time they arrive, every lesbian has been feasted on by the two vampires. The four make their way to the roof top and begin to battle. As Jesus gets knocked out by Golgotha, Maxine bites into Mary. After the vampires leave the two for dead, Jesus regains consciousness, but is clueless on what do to without Mary. He sits down at a restaurant and is visited by his father, who disguised himself as a bowl of cherry ice cream. His father tells him to seek out the masked wrestler, Santo.

Santo willingly gives Jesus his hand in combat against the vampires. But first they take a visit to the Dominion Tavern where Blind Jimmy Leper sings a song for everyone. He gives thanks to Jesus and has him to come up and play something for the audience. When he takes a look at the mirror behind the stage, he sees that none of the several people in the audience have reflections. He takes cover behind the drum set and starts chucking drum sticks at the vampires. Which leads into a giant brawl with only Jesus and Santo to fight off the vampires. They take out the vampires with every thing they have available. Pool sticks, crutches, Jimmy Leper's walking cane, toothpicks, blessing beer, garlic breath, and even more wrestling tactics.

Jesus is pushed down a flight of stairs during the battle, leaving Santo to fend for himself. That ends up in Maxine blowing sleeping powder in his face and taking him captive. Jesus fights off the few vampires on the floor below, but is too slow to save Santo. While preparing for his final battle at his apartment, he's attacked by Mary, Maxine and Golgotha. Jesus and Mary start to fight one on one until Jesus gets the upper hand and is about to drive a wooden steak through her heart. Maxine and Golgotha grab him and threaten to kill Santo if he doesn't come with them. They lead him to a junkyard where Santo is tied up. The two eventually break free and finish the battle between good versus vampire.

Any religious fan would most likely look down upon this movie as it being a joke about Jesus. The film definitely isn't make fun of him, it's really just making another adventure for the man in present time. The plot is obviously very basic. Jesus is called upon to get rid of the vampires. The script has a lot of religious references in it which usually end up being funny. There's quite a bit of blood through out the entire film. All the vampire bites and most of the steaks through the heart have a nice amount of blood coming from them. The vampire bites looked good as well. They weren't two little black dots or pulsating wounds with guts hanging out of them and blood drenching an entire room. Just a nice subtle look to them.

Comedy wise there was only a couple parts that had me laughing, but all of the silly scenes and most of jokes were actually funny. One scene that really got me was when Jesus was fighting the main female atheist and while she was on the ground, he kicks her food and sends her sliding across the ground and into a tree. Just the way it was shot was like something out of a Charlie Chaplin film. The audio seemed quite odd through out the entire film. It looked like it was dubbed over in english, but that's what everyone spoke. I say it looked like that because most of the dialog seemed like it was out of sync. It may have been the kind of film they were using, or even just a little trick to make the movie seem even that much more silly.

There was this small skit that would appear during the whole movie. It was a take on the old Batman live action series when Batman's head would be animated and spin into a close up, and then spin back out whenever there was a cut scene. Same deal here, but it was a cross with Jesus on it that had a swirl spinning behind it. It didn't happen for every cut scene, but it did happen often enough and it was quite humorous. The only scene I didn't like was the song and dance number. Which was actually a lot longer before it got cut in the editing room. At the end of it all, the film was very enjoyable and entertaining.

Final Conclusion: 9/10
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Ginose #1: Ginose - added 07/26/2007, 02:57 PM
Excellent movie, as far as the sound is concerned, they used an interesting dubbing method that only works so well. Basically they were using a 16mm camera that was loud as shit, so for all the voicing they brought the actors in a re-dubbed it as they watched the movie... like I said, only a partial success, but it didn't make the movie any less enjoyable for me. 7.9/10
Hisdinnerisintheoven #2: Hisdinnerisintheoven - added 06/03/2010, 01:56 AM
Totally disagree. This movie was forgettable in so many ways.
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