Vampire Call Girls (1999)

DVD Cover (Sub Rosa Studios Reissue)
Everette Hartsoe Everette Hartsoe
Everette Hartsoe Everette Hartsoe
Glori-Anne Gilbert Glori-Anne Gilbert
Lilith Stabs Lilith Stabs
Jasi Cotton Lanier Jasi Cotton Lanier
Lisa Ann DeVaul Lisa Ann DeVaul

5.8 / 10 - Overall Rating

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Genres: Sexploitation, Softcore Sex Film, Vampire Film
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Review by Chad
Added: October 16, 2005
Vampire Call Girls tells the tale of Bill (director Everette Hartsoe) and his encounters with, well, vampire call girls. It all starts when he calls the discreetly named "Night Vamps" call girl service, and instead of meeting a hot young lady and having a night of wild sex, he meets a hot young lady who attempts to kill him. He then attempts to get his money back from the establishment, at which point he meets a few of the other girls that they've hired. A pretty impressive cast of ladies consisting of Glori-Anne Gilbert, Lilith Stabs, Roxanne Michaels, and Lisa Ann DeVaul round out the call girl side of things.

The above plot summary makes up about ninety percent of the entire storyline found in the movie with only the ending having been omitted. The rest of the movie is made up of these call girls plying their trade with various men who have no relevance in the grand scheme of things, and there's a few scenes where even the men aren't necessary (watch for a five-minute scene in which Glori-Anne Gilbert has her way with a washing machine, for example). Needless to say, those looking for a rich storyline or compelling acting would probably be better off with another vampire flick, but the skin-freaks in the audience will get more than their moneys worth.

The only problem I had with this movie was the way that most of these scenes are shot and presented. Instead of simply having things unfold in a normal fashion, someone decided that it would be in the best interest of the film to give these scenes an "artistic" feel. In other words, they're shown in negative colors, slow-motion, choppy footage, and worst of all, showing two or three camera angles on-screen at once using fade effects. These added touches were incredibly annoying in my eyes, and instead of helping the scenes, they made me want to hit the fast-forward button on my remote. When something is so bad that it makes me want to skip over the incredibly-hot Lilith Stabs shaking her stuff, well, there very well could be a problem there.

There's really not much more to say about this movie. If you want to watch a bunch of hot ladies showing off their naughty bits, then you'll definitely enjoy this hour of cinema. If you're looking for a storyline or gore, then you won't enjoy it. It's currently available on two double-feature DVDs (bundled with "Battle Of The Colossal Women" on Sub Rosa's release and with "The Witches Of Breastwick" on Seduction Cinema's release), so either way, you're getting another movie out of the deal. I haven't seen Sub Rosa's release, so by default, I'm going to recommend Seduction Cinema's disc if you're interested in this film. At least with that one, I can confirm that the main attraction is pretty damned enjoyable. 5/10.
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