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The Fog (2005)

DVD Cover (Sony Home Entertainment)
Movie Connections:
The Fog
> The Fog (1980)
> The Fog (2005)
Genres:
Horror, Supernatural Horror
Director:
Rupert Wainwright Rupert Wainwright
Starring:
Tom Welling Tom Welling
Maggie Grace Maggie Grace
Selma Blair Selma Blair
DeRay Davis DeRay Davis
Kenneth Welsh Kenneth Welsh

2.8 / 10 - 14 votes

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Review by bluemeanie
Added: October 21, 2005
Revolution Studios are scratching their collective heads, Tom Welling is firing his agent, Selma Blair is finally taking those much needed acting lessons, Debra Hill is rolling over in her grave, and John Carpenter is laughing all the way to the bank. Those are the reactions from those individuals to the misty pile of excrement known as "The Fog". With the success of remakes of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Amityville Horror", why not tackle a John Carpenter masterpiece -- hey, at least they didn't try and remake "Halloween". I was excited about this remake, at first. "The Fog" was always one of those films that, while I have always enjoyed it, there were always some things I would have done differently to make the film scarier. I maintained this tiny burst of excitement up until the day when I heard the casting announcement. Tom Welling? Maggie Grace? Selma Blair? It is the attack of the T.V. Mediocrity Club. I knew from these casting decisions that they would hire some po-dunk writer to turn the original John Carpenter script into garbage, and turn the original "The Fog" into "The Fog 2005". This film reminded me of those teen slasher films from the mid-1990's, except there is no slasher here...just lepers. When that hand popped up out of the sink and turned Aunt Connie into a Pirate of the Caribbean, I almost walked out of the theatre. They took the original idea and turned it upside down, though both films, essentially, follow the same path. It was bizarre. The new version featured a lot of the ideas I would have liked to have seen in the original. Alas, all of the things that made the original film so great were just plain abandoned. "The Fog" was one of the worst films of the year, and the worst horror remake I have yet to see.

The plot is almost identical to the original. A mysterious and foreboding fog bank rolls onto the island of Antonio Bay, bringing with it a curse from over a hundred years prior, when the four founding fathers of the town turned a pact into murder. Years later, those affected by that treachery have returned to seek their vengeance of the children of the four founding fathers, thus living up to their 'blood for blood' curse placed on the town. These ghosts come at you in the thick fog and are seemingly just about unstoppable. Leave it to local fisherman Nick (Tom Welling), his on again off again girlfriend Elizabeth (Maggie Grace), and the local disc jockey, Stevie Wayne (Selma Blair) to pull together and stop the whole ordeal dead in its tracks. The primary differences between this film and the original are that Stevie Wayne's eclectic radio station has now turned into your average indie rock radio station, though this is certainly not the kind of town where you would expect the locals to understand the complexities of My Bloody Valentine or The Shins; the final sequence that took place in the church has now been switched to the city hall; Father Malone (Adrian Hough) has virtually no role in the entire film, unless you consider 'bad acting' an official position; and, the pirates are not pirates...they're lepers...really pissed off lepers who just wanted their own colony. If those differences aren't enough to make you automatically realize what kind of disaster this film is, then there is likely little to no hope for you. "The Fog" is the perfect example of terrible film-making.

Let's see what other negative comments I can make about this flop. The pirates (if you can call them that) were not nearly as scary. What made the original film so great was that we never really did see them in full light -- they were always standing in the darkness or in silhouette only. Here, we see everything, and they look like Hume Cronyn. Plus, this film does a good job of showing that these are ghosts -- when they hit the door with their axes, it does not damage. So, how in the hell can they just reach out and grab you? If their axes are so ineffective, logic would dictate that problem would also effect them. So, why then does Maggie Grace not just run through the bastards? One of the biggest flaws with the film was that it actually tried to develop characters to some extent. They wanted us to see Maggie Grace's rocky relationship with her mother. They wanted us to see Selma Blair's love for her son. They wanted us to feel the token black guy as he ranted for ten minutes with some of the most ridiculous ad-lib dialogue I have ever heard. By the end of this film, I was really hoping to see the lepers exact their revenge on every single person in the town -- leave no stone unturned and spare none. I wanted to see the fog comes into the little boy's room and swallow him up. I wanted to see Tom Welling take an ax to the chest. I know this was rated PG-13 and all, but they could have inserted a lot more death and blood and still hung on to that petty little rating.

Somewhere, right now, there is a fog bank rolling inland. I guarantee you that, even if it is filled with pink bunnies and rainbows and Powerpuff Girls, it is still ten times scarier than this waste of time and film. "The Fog" was an amazing waste, a total disappointment, and one of the worst films of the year. Selma Blair delivered quite possibly on of the worst female performances I have ever seen, in one of the most miscast roles I have ever seen. Everyone here was miscast, with Welling and Grace and Blair leading the charge. This is how some people wanted Debra Hill's legacy to be carried on? When I say she is rolling over in her grave, I am not just whistling dixie. I think she would be just as amazed as the miserable complexity of this film as I was. "The Fog" should be avoided at all cost. I know its Halloween and you want to watch something scary, but that is precisely why I am saying avoid this picture. Remember "Urban Legends: Final Cut"? Remember "Valentine"? Remember "Venom" from earlier this year. This film makes those films look like "Schindler's List". So, when you're driving down a secluded road late at night and you happen to catch a glimpse of a thick fog bank rolling in around you, you will know exactly what to do -- TURN YOU FOG LIGHTS ON!!! What's the worst that will happen? Leprosy?

1/10.
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Chad #1: Chad - added 10/21/2005, 11:34 PM
You do know that a remake of Halloween is in the works, right?
bluemeanie #2: bluemeanie - added 10/22/2005, 12:09 AM
Actually, the rumor about there being a remake of the original "Halloween" is just a rumor. "Halloween 9" is set to come out soon, but it is only similiar to the original in that it was approached from an indie film perspective and deals with Myers terrorizing Haddonfield once more, but it is not a remake. It is being produced by John Carpenter and sounds interesting.
Chad #3: Chad - added 10/22/2005, 12:46 AM
A few days ago (the 17th), Malek Akkad said that if Halloween 9 does well, then part 10 will probably will be a remake of the original.
BuryMeAlive #4: BuryMeAlive - added 10/22/2005, 01:25 PM
If a Halloween remake is made, I will kill myself.
bluemeanie #5: bluemeanie - added 10/24/2005, 09:40 PM
How unfortunate is that? If they remake the original, I will NOT be seeing it. Some things are sacred, and "Halloween" is one.
Cryptorchild #6: Cryptorchild - added 10/25/2005, 10:03 PM
Yeah, this movie is incrediably weak.
Crispy #7: Crispy - added 09/04/2007, 02:25 AM
The Halloween remake quip and the subsequent conversation. Irony at its best.
BuryMeAlive #8: BuryMeAlive - added 01/09/2008, 04:56 PM
Ok, I haven't killed myself yet, I have another mission in life, to kill Rob Zombie.
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