Cremains (2001)

DVD Cover (Video Outlaw)
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Overall Rating 41%
Overall Rating
Ranked #9,368
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Anthology of four horror tales told by a mortician in a crematorium containing the bodies of the latest arrivals. --IMDb
Richard Dyszel
Richard Dyszel
Eleanor Herman
Eleanor Herman
Martin Richard Campbell
Martin Richard Campbell
Chester Delacruz
Chester Delacruz
Review by Chad
Added: April 12, 2004
A funeral director is under investigation by unknown persons for cremating two bodies at the same time and therefore mixing the ashes together. As the questions are asked, he retells some of the weirder stories he's seen in his thirty years in the post-death business, in what turns out to be reminiscent of "Tales From The Crypt" episodes.

#1: The S&M Killer. A woman wakes up in some sort of bondage contraption, only to be rescued... or is she really being rescued?

This wasn't even really a story, as the plot outline I just gave is almost the entire thing. It's a bit difficult to give my thoughts on a two minute piece, but what was shown was decent enough.

#2: The Town. A woman is going to visit her mother in the hospital, and learns of a town with some strange traditions. Every blue moon (literally), something strange happens to whomever bears the mark. As she's following her father to the hospital, she accidentally turns down the wrong road, and goes straight into this town...

This one was pretty boring and anti-climatic, although it could have been a lot better with a small tweak to the storyline. It builds up a great storyline as it goes, but the ending of it all just falls extremely flat; you'll see what I mean if you ever watch it.

#3: Confessions. A teenager is stranded in a park after his friend forgets to pick him up, and hitch-hikes home with the wrong person...

This one was alright... the storyline was interesting, and it had a nice twist ending to it; but again, it was just a bit boring as it went along. It's almost completely dialogue-driven, which isn't always boring, but here, it just dragged on for a wee too long.

#4: Vampires. A woman is haunted by the ghost of her dead friend. The living woman keeps having dreams about her friend coming to her as a vampire and drinking her blood.

Again, another boring one. Well, it was nice to see the nude vampire, as she was quite hot, but in terms of storyline and overall enjoyment, it just wasn't there. This piece could have easily been cut down to a three minute piece in a horror movie, but instead, it was drawn out to a twenty minute story which didn't work.

#5: The Cremainder. The funeral director who's narrating the movie gives some more details about what he did; he confesses that he mixed the ashes of the serial killer from story #1, and some little girl. We cut over to see the grieving mother of the little girl, who receives a phone call from a witch. The witch says she can bring the little girl back to life from the ashes, but little does she know that the ashes also contain the killers remains...

This one was actually sort of decent, except for the fact that it got too repititious. We'd see the Cremainder, he'd kill off someone, cut to the next person. This person would walk around / shower / sleep / whatever, Cremainder appears, kill. Next person, repeat. Did have an interesting concept to it, don't think I've ever heard of such in a movie before, but the script (or lack of one) just killed this one.

The whole movie was shot on video. Now, this doesn't automatically make it unwatchable for me, but whomever was filming it needs to get a much more steady hand. The camera is all over the place, never focusing in on the happenings properly, and just looks like a step up from a home movie. This wasn't too bad throughout most of the movie, and can be overlooked, but it definitely got annoying. The sound was another area that was lacking. Alot of this movie has nothing going for sound, and I had to keep checking to make sure I hadn't accidentally pushed the mute button on my remote, as some of the muted scenes appeared to have originally had sound with them... either that, or a scene would need sound, and not even appear to be muted out. For example, a guy gets stabbed with a sword, and just stands there. No scream, no whimper, not even a look of pain. Pretty lame there.

Definitely not a recommended movie, although I did find #3 to be slightly entertaining. 2/10.
vinodk #1: vinodk - added 08/15/2009, 09:14 PM
Nirrad #2: Nirrad - added 08/15/2009, 10:07 PM
Right here ma man! http://www.moviesmademe.com/movie/review/2088
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