The Lord Of The G-Strings: The Femaleship Of The String (2003)

DVD Cover (Seduction Cinema Unrated)
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Overall Rating 42%
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Ranked #6,039
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Connections: The Lord Of The Rings

A diminutive and seductive Throbbit has been entrusted with the task of destroying the all-powerful G-String that can grant its possessor untold powers. --IMDb
Erin Brown
Erin Brown
Darian Caine
Darian Caine
A.J. Khan
A.J. Khan
Barbara Joyce
Barbara Joyce
Michael R. Thomas
Michael R. Thomas
Review by Chad
Added: October 07, 2006
Those fine folks over at Seduction Cinema have a habit of pumping out sexy spoofs of the latest Hollywood blockbusters (see Kinky Kong and SpiderBabe for but a few examples), so it should come as no surprise that they tackled one of the most successful films of our time with Lord of the G-Strings. Now, I'll admit that I've never watched Peter Jackson's version of the story, but a parody of it with Misty Mundae in the leading role? Sign me up.

Dildo Saggins (Misty Mundae) is a Throbbit from Diddle Earth who has been assigned the task of destroying an enchanted G-String. Smirnoff (Michael R. Thomas), the drunken wizard who assigned her this task, explains that it was created by an evil lady named Whorespank (Paige Richards), and that those who wear it wield unimaginable power... and pleasure. Naturally, you don't want something like this just floating around for anyone to wear, so along with her friends Horny (Darian Caine) and Spam (A.J. Khan), Dildo sets out on her quest to destroy the G-String. Along the way, they'll encounter orcs, horny forest dryads, a hideous midget by the name of Ballem (John Link), and even Smirnoff's arch-nemesis, the evil wizard Sourass (John Paul Fedele). Also appearing throughout the running time is Barbara Joyce, Anoushka, Allanah Rhodes, Julian Wells, Suzi Lorraine, Chelsea Mundae, Ruby Larocca, and William Hellfire.

Alright, so as I mentioned, I haven't seen the film that inspired this parody. I realize that I'm probably one of the three people on this planet that hasn't seen it, but there's just something about the storyline and general theme of the film that leaves me completely uninterested in devoting the thirty hours (or however long it runs for) required to get through it. That doesn't mean that I can't enjoy this comedic retelling of the story, however, but it's a shame that I probably missed some of the more subtle nods to the original that I'm sure were sprinkled throughout. That's not to say that I was clueless as to what was going on, as I found quite a few things to laugh at nonetheless and I was actually fairly impressed with the film as a whole.

There's two versions of this film floating around: the unrated version that I watched and the R-rated version which is simply entitled Lord of the Strings. The unrated version features a mixture of humor and the erotic lovemaking scenes that we've come to know and love from Seduction Cinema, while the R-rated version focuses on just the humor aspects. I haven't seen this R-rated version of the film so I couldn't tell you the differences between them other than what I've just mentioned, but based on what I've read about them, they seem to be two almost totally different films. With the exception of the normal R-rated / unrated cuts of other movies (you know - same thing, but one is a little more risqué than the other), I do believe this was the first time that Seduction Cinema released two different versions of the same film. I'll leave it up to you, the viewer, as to which would be more appropriate should you find yourself interested in watching this movie, but keep in mind that I watched the unrated version as you continue reading this review.

I should point out that this unrated version features nudity - a lot of nudity. It's definitely not a porno, as it's an actual movie with some erotic scenes thrown into the mix as an added bonus instead of being the complete opposite as many late-night Cinemax "films" tend to be, but you'll definitely want to put the kids to bed before pushing play. The men in the audience will surely find something to enjoy here, as there's plenty of gorgeous women on display with just about all of the regulars from Seduction Cinema showing up in at least one scene. Again, I should emphasize that this is not the extent of the film, and I think that the best way to do that would be to tell you that I watched this with the woman of the house. Now, she's a straight lady and has no interest in other women, but even she enjoyed this movie from start to finish; therefore, don't go in expecting just another skin-flick.

The humor is of the slapstick / fart joke variety that Seduction Cinema is known for, so if you've seen any of their other parodies, you'll already know whether or not this one will do anything for you. If you're like me and that's a style of humor that you enjoy, then you'll find no shortage of things to laugh at as the film rolls along, even if you're also like me in that you haven't seen the movie that this is spoofing. Honestly, what's not to love about a villain who uses his farts as a weapon and who also specializes in the fine art of the Dutch Oven for his torture tactics? How about a drunken wizard who never really knows what's going on and is always trying to get one of the ladies to "pull his taffy" or give him a sponge bath? These two characters were great on paper, but thanks to the actors playing them (especially Michael R. Thomas, a man who stole quite a few scenes), the humor was made that much better.

Once again, Seduction Cinema has hit a home run with one of their parodies. I still have a soft spot for the very first film of theirs that I watched (SpiderBabe) so I can't say that this is their best offering, but it's definitely high up on the list and is an easy recommendation for fans of the genre. 9/10.
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