The Unborn (2009)

DVD Cover (Rogue Pictures)
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User Lists:
> Worst Films of 2009
Overall Rating 44%
Overall Rating
Ranked #1,473
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Odette Annable
Odette Annable
Gary Oldman
Gary Oldman
Cam Gigandet
Cam Gigandet
Meagan Good
Meagan Good
Idris Elba
Idris Elba
Review by bluemeanie
Added: January 11, 2009
What is it about that first film of the new year that produces such dread in me? Maybe it's because the first real film I saw in 2008 was "One Missed Call" and the first real film I saw in 2007 was "Primeval". Both of those films ended up making my Worst Films of the Year list. I had higher hopes for "The Unborn". Was it because of David S. Goyer? Of course not. He directed "Blade: Trinity" and "The Invisible". It was because it had an inviting trailer and featured one of the greatest actors on the planet, Gary Oldman. And it succeeded. I laughed all the way through the film. It made me giggle in such unexpected ways - surpassing both "Tropic Thunder" and "Pineapple Express". It was one of the best comedies I have ever seen. And all of this would be great except for one thing - it was supposed to be a horror film. "The Unborn" should have been just that. It is one of the most inept attempts at horror I have seen in a very long while and it features quite possibly one of the worst female performances in horror history. This film proves, beyond the show of a doubt, that David S. Goyer cannot direct, Odette Yustman cannot act, Michael Bay cannot produce and Gary Oldman needs a new agent. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, I give you one of the worst films of the year.

Guess what - Casey (Odette Yustman) was a twin. How do we know? Because she's got some dead little boy chasing her around and her eyes are starting to look like scrambled eggs. That means she was a twin. Alas, her little bro died in the womb when he got himself choked on her cord. As that dead little boy keeps popping up, old Casey keeps on digging and digging, eventually leading her to an old Holocaust survivor (Jane Alexander) who explains that the dead little boy is really a Dibbuk, some kind of demon that's been after their family for years and years. Casey's best friend in the world is Romy (Meagan Good) and dies because she is black. Casey's boyfriend is Mark (Cam Gigandet) and dies because he's too hot to live. And Casey's exorcising zealot is Rabbi Sendak (Gary Oldman) who doesn't die because he's Gary Oldman. Casey decides the best course of action is an exorcism and Rabbi Sendak agrees to do it because, if Casey believes she is possessed, she must be. One problem - Casey isn't possessed. There are people around her who are, but she's just fine, so I don't really know what in the hell good an exorcism does to someone who isn't possessed. But, if that's the only plot hole you find here, you're just not paying attention. They are rampant.

I have heard David S. Goyer write some decent dialog before. He must have taken all the bad dialog from all his previous films and thrown them in here. This is one of the worst horror scripts I have ever encountered. Supporting characters spend the entire film asking: "What is going on?", "How do we stop it?", "What's the matter?" They do this to give Odette Yustman 1,001 ways to say, "He's after me. He won't stop until I'm dead. I'm so scared. He's trying to kill me!" You always know when it's coming because she drops her voice kind of low and looks like she's trying to read an eye chart from half a block away. And how about the idea to work the Holocaust into this film. The best scene in the film, when I was rolling in the aisles, came when Casey was reading a letter from the Holocaust survivor. We cut to scenes of the old woman smiling like she just let out a secret fart and then we cut back to images of Casey crying as she's reading it. "You must finish what we started back in Auschwitz..." - are you kidding me? Are you seriously serious with this shit? "The Unborn" is plagued with this kind of dialog. It's choking in it. Gary Oldman does the best he can with his, but you can't do much with simple sentences and Hebrew - it just doesn't happen. And did I mention that Casey's twin was called 'Jumby'. Yeah - seriously.

Now let's talk about Odette Yustman. Wow. She makes Jessica Alba look like Glenn Close. She doesn't seem to know her lines, she doesn't seem to know her role in the film and she doesn't seem to know what in the hell she's doing. She walks around with this puppy dog expression on her face and all I want to do is stick her damned head in a toilet and flush out all of her misconceived notions of what acting should be. Gary Oldman is basically wasted in a role that does nothing but give him a paycheck and lessen his street cred to a staggering degree - the man is a legend and he's playing a Rabbi in a piss poor horror film? Give that role to Yahoo Serious. Cam Giganet is always just wonderful to look at, but the guy's got about as much talent as a hand full of sand. He walks around, takes his shirt off a few times and occasionally says something. Meagan Good is black and dies, which is basically what she always does. There really isn't anything else to mention. I could mention the creepy little dead kid, but he's not nearly as dead as this script or Odette Yustman's performance. This film was like watching...well...it was like placing a dog turd out in the sun and watching it dry for two hours.

Films like this depress me. I root for the horror genre. I want to see it succeed. How can a film like this find a wide theatrical release while a film like "The Midnight Meat Train" or "Inside" get shafted? This film ruined 2009 for me and it has barely started. I just kept laughing and laughing and looking at the people around me who had the same bewildered expression on their faces. The film ended and there were a myriad of 'boos' that struck up immediately. Even a fickle Friday night audience ready for cheap scares couldn't get behind this picture. And I would be remiss if I didn't add that this whole PG-13 horror film trend is ridiculous. Horror is horror for a reason. Give me blood or give me nothing. I am sick of getting dogs in masks and creepy little kids with too much eye make-up - I want some blood and some language and some fright. This film would have been much more successful if it didn't take the "Prom Night" way out. This was the worst film of 2009 and the worst horror film of the past two years.

Sarcastos #1: Sarcastos - added 01/12/2009, 12:32 PM
Bluemeanie gets one right.
bluemeanie #2: bluemeanie - added 01/12/2009, 02:18 PM
It's a habit of mine.
Crispy #3: Crispy - added 01/12/2009, 06:57 PM
I wish I had your will power. I would finally be able to kick my smoking habit. :P
Nirrad #4: Nirrad - added 01/12/2009, 10:35 PM
I kicked them shits a few weeks ago, I rock.
Optimus Prime #5: Optimus Prime - added 01/14/2009, 04:43 PM
I'm still trying... shit sucks.
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